Motherhood

2010-08-29T19:49:00.000-07:00

THIS WILL BE MY LAST EVER POST!!!
Are you nervous? Don't worry, I know you check my blog everyday to see when and if I posted! However, this will be my last ever post! I SAID, don't worry... its just the last one on THIS blog! I just can't do it anymore... the webaddress for this one is zech-n-lily-r-blessings... well, that is true, but I have a new blessing, and she HAS to have equal rights on my blog. I just can't handle her name not being there. I tried to change it to theciskekids... but it still haunts me that it comes up with only two of my three blessings' names! So I am starting over. I will be posting on my NEW blog... same me, just new site. So since I KNOW you have me bookmarked, or you follow me... you will have to start following the NEW me!
lovetheciskekids.blogspot.com. I hope you still like it (it looks just like this one! hehe)
So come on over and I'll see ya there, where ALL my kiddos are present! :)

2010-08-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

A Mother's work is never done...

Meet the Ciske family...

This may not be the Ciske family you've seen in portraits, this is the everyday Ciske family. And in response to a creative project prompt "A mother's work is never done" I'd like to give you a few (just a few) snapshots into our day. Keep in mind that a momma's day is VERY busy and its just way too hard to stop and take a photo of EVERYTHING we do. This is just a glimpse.

First of all, the youngest of the Ciske clan has decided its tremendously fun to wake at 5am. So before I hit the day, I hit my knees, however quick it may be, I make sure I ask God to get me through... even at 5am!

Of course this is me, what do you mean it doesn't look like me! man, I just woke up, I may not look perfect, but I do the best I can!

So for the next two hours I try to get Ruby BACK to sleep, or at least to lay still so I can go back to sleep. It rarely works. So I begin my daily routine. Sometimes I clean while everyone sleeps.

Yes, I live in a castle!

When I don't clean, I lay around... ya know, doing nothing. And that's okay, I mean, its only 5am. But then all of a sudden its 7 and I realize I have a very limited time to shower, brush my teeth, get some clothes on, and dress my three beauties. Today is grocery day, and I've seen a sale on crayola crayons at K-mart (25cents!) so I MUST make a stop there, and I've promised we'd go bowling. So I hazily grab clothes for the kids to wear (remember how I got up at 5am?)

Sometimes Zech dresses himself, and even if he looks like Diego, I'm okay with that just so its one less thing for me to do.

I attempt to dress Lily, who always has an opinion on what she wears. If I had gotten enough sleep last night I may have had the stamina to go 3 full rounds with her, today, I let her wear her favorite outfit... a bathing suit and tights
of course, she really, in real life, wore a denim skirt that she LOVES but that is 2 sizes too big for her, but for the picture purposes, I had to stay real to the character!

By the time I get the first two dressed, the third fed (bottle and bananas & Strawberry cereal that I pureed myself) I have barely anytime to get myself ready for the day. So I ask Dave, the superdaddy to please dress Ruby.

I really try not to micromanage my husband, so I swallow the words I have to say to him, and allow him to dress my daughter as a ninja! (And really, in the real world, he would never do this... he'd ask "What is she wearing today" knowing I'd never let my kids go out looking like Diego, strawberry shortcake, and a ninja!)

So, I have decided that my body may need a shower, but my hair does not have time for a thorough cleaning and style. I take my extra short 2 min shower, throw on some clothes and we are off to drop Superdaddy off at work.

Yes, he's superdaddy. One that goes to work everyday so I can live the life I live!

***And for a DUMB reason, this picture is originally landscape, not portrait, so it looks like he's flying... but it wouldn't allow me to rotate in this blog... stupid blog, so tilt your head and look at it the right way, would ya... now YOU look stupid! hehe***

We them begin our errands. Driving from bowling, to k-mart, to lunch, because we all know you can't get groceries hungry, nor can you take three STARVING kids on an hour long errand with you and still stay sane!I used this coach for this part, well, because its missing the horse, and if you ever rode in our van you may think its missing something too, but we treat our trusty van like a royal coach, it is the van we have, and the ONLY transportation we have.

***and for all my super safety conscious friends, remember this is pretend pictures, and in real life my children all sit in age appropriate/ state regulated/mom approved carseat... all of them!***

At lunch my super husband tries to convince me its a bad idea to add groceries to the already full day with the kids. He suggests I go home and put the kids down for nap and maybe see if I can take a nap as well (see, he's superman!) and maybe get groceries when he is home in the evening. Great idea, except he has worship practice so that means groceries start at 8pm! I play it over in my head, envision 3 tired kids helping me get groceries, and decide to take superman's advice! We head home, I put them all in bed, and try to tidy up the castle a bit more.

Yes, like I said, I live in a castle!

The nap doesn't go well, and Miss Ruby is awake but doesn't really WANT to be, so she's crabby, and needs some Mommy time. And really, I wouldn't mind sitting on the couch and lounging with her...

I decide a mommy really can't sit and just lounge, there is always more that needs to be done, so I do what every mother does... multi-task. I rock my baby girl while I read "The Joys of Teaching Kindergarten" because in less than a month I will be a kindergarten teacher! Even if it is only to one kindergarten, I want to be as prepared as possible!

Ruby wants to read too, the book is taking up too much of Momma's attention! And the book is all over the place, but since I am somewhat of a SUPER multi-tasker, I attempt to bounce the baby WHILE reading... But it goes something like this...

And eventually, I realize: She is only going to want to be on my lap for a short time, I love her soft hands, her bouncy personality, and I don't want to blink and it be gone! I can stay up until Midnight (like I did the night before) and read... this is Ruby time!
even if she is dressed like a ninja... and kicks like one too!

Once she is fed, and seems like it may be nap time, I try to take my superman's ideas and take a nap (I mean, I am a submissive wife as well as a momma!)

Sometimes nap time doesn't work! But if I lay down and let them talk AT me, and crawl ON me, maybe I can get some physical rest while they get some mommy time! (Don't judge me!)

I decide that I will attempt the grocery shopping before I pick up Superdaddy from work, if they aren't going to nap anyway, might as well. I give the older two notebooks with the 4 food groups written inside. I tell them they will need to keep track of what I buy in their nutrition journals and make sure we are being healthy. They LOVE the idea, and I love the idea that maybe they will be focusing on this instead of focusing on driving me nutso in the store. (It worked for about 2 isles and then the notebooks became swords! But hey, it was better than nothing!)

I go get Superdaddy from work (you'd think he could just FLY home, but hey, his royal carriage trekked on to pick him up.

We get home, I want to crash, but want Superman to unwind as well. So I fix dinner

Don't worry, I made it for everyone, not just two... you HAVE to give me a break on these pictures, people, and enjoy the CREATIVITY of them! hehe

SuperWorshiper has to go to the church for worship practice, so I am at home with the kids. Trying to get them bathed, teeth brushed, read to, played with, and loved on before bed.

Finally, they get to bed, and SuperWorshiper is home! and its US time!

Superman loves couple time, he is praising the Lord for it even as the picture is taken! And I get to sit! The day is finally coming to an end.

Keep in mind that even writing this I am still a momma! So I can't give full accounts of all that went on that day, I mean, I still have kids to feed, play with, be a trampoline for, love on, and encourage. So for times sake, i will leave you with the way I end my day, the same as I begin...

A Mother's work is never done. She must start her days on her knees and end it in the same position. Without it, the work is all in vain. I consider my "work" as mother/wife a calling, and I dare not venture into that lighthearted. (no matter how silly this became).

And there you have it!

2010-08-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

The Joys of Teaching Kindergarten
I have one month left before kindergarten starts. I'm nervous when I think that his education is in my hands. Everything he has to learn he needs to learn from the experiences I can give him. However, I'm excited that his education is in my hands. I'm excited that everything he has to learn he gets to learn from the experiences I can give him. And I am taking my anxieties to God. I've been reading an old textbook about the kindergarten experience, and although I may not have the same techniques, or teaching styles as some of the other homeschooling moms out there, I am picturing a great learning experience for the kids. I love how I can take my worries to God and I can see Him working in me to calm my nerves. As I read the book I have my highlighter and postits marking things I want to implement in the "learning experience"... but as I read, I am also getting tons of ideas and envisioning all kids of ways to teach this or that. So I jot them down inside the book. I never studied like this in school! I am enjoying it, looking forward to it, and praying over it! I've got a big job ahead of me, and although I see so many doing this homeschool journey, its new to me. I'm learning as well! I can't wait!

2010-04-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

On your knees, cleaning up messes?

We had an incident in our home recently that God really used to speak to me. My 3 year old LOVES beads. She loves to organize things, and make patterns, so to give her a bag of tiny beads and a leather strap is like candy; A HUGE TREAT! So, I had been watching her for awhile and saw how she was very responsible with her beads, how she placed them in the perfect spot, kept them clean and orderly, and how she truly enjoyed the experience. So I went ahead and let her take the beads to nap time with her. Surely she would daintily make gorgeous necklaces, bracelets, and doze happily off to sleep. Instead at the end of nap time I enter her room where there is not one crevasse untouched by beads. She had scattered beads ALL OVER her room. Under her bed, in the corners, on toys, in her bed, in her pillow case... the beads were everywhere... NO jewelry in sight! I was SO disappointed! I trusted her! And deep down I went against my first feeling of not letting her in her room with the potential mess makers. I told her to begin cleaning up. To put the beads in a cup and bring them to me to dump into the bags. I left the room. Came back 10 minutes later and saw a crying crumbled mess... of a three year old. No beads picked up. I gave her another 10 minutes with a punishment looming over her if beads were not picked up. 10 minutes later it became very clear that the mess was too big for a 3 year old to clean up. I sat down with her, showed her where to begin and guided her in cleaning the big mess she had gotten herself into. Then it dawned on me. This is the way God deals with us many times in our lives. He gives us something, entrusts something that we think we love and adore only for us to mess it up, leaving ourselves in a crumbling mess wondering how we will ever get it cleaned up.

I did not clean up Lily's mess while she sat and watched. I showed her how to clean, I guided her in getting it done. I got to the pieces she couldn't reach alone. God won't come in and miraculously clean everything up. God is our biggest supporter when it comes to cleaning up our lives. He equips us, guides us, teaches us, and stays with us until the mess is cleaned up (and lingers even when its done!) He works deep within us to clean the mess that we can't get to. And reminds us when there is more to clean up.

There are many times in life that we get ourselves in a mess that we ourselves can not get out of. And what is our response? Do we crumble in a heaping sobbing pile and stare at the mess? Frown faced, broken spirit, helpless? Or do we cry out to God for help. Do we let our pride get in the way of receiving the help we need. Just as I sat beside Lily until every bead was picked up, God will do the same for you. He will be there, he will see it through the end. There are no beads left in her room. I do not have a looming punishment over her anymore. (God probably never had one!). But I guarantee she learned her lesson. She won't be scattering beads all over her room, the mess taught her it isn't a place she wants to be.

If we let God get us through, and let him teach us for the future we just may realize that it was no fun to be in the mess to begin with!

2010-01-21T13:26:00.000-08:00

Wanna Blog!

Yep, I WANT to blog... I have lots to say... but no time! Its hard to blog with one hand to type! Oh wait, you may need to know WHY I have no time, and only one hand! Its certainly not because of any kind of hand disease, or amputation. But more of a total and complete blessing that has happened in our lives... here let me show you...

Ruby Grace arrived Jan 4th at 1:40pm weighing 8lbs 13oz and was 20.5 in tall. She is perfect! So content, so easy (so far) and so loved! We are working on routines and how to get everything done. So far I want to nap when all three kids nap, and still need to figure out time to clean house and do the homeschooling... so blogging is... well, not on the front of my mind at all times.

So, soon I will put out one massive blog to catch up (not sure if anyone reads this or not anywho!)

But I leave you with a few more gorgeous pics of her! (She's just so cute!)

2009-12-30T03:14:00.000-08:00

2009 in Review
Wow, what a year! I understand I have one more day left in the year, but who knows what tomorrow will bring, I figured I'd finish the year out now!!! As in 5:17am on Dec. 30th! I start my days early now... really early! Just like it did with Lily, sleep doesn't come easily for me this pregnancy. But I have come to enjoy the early (EARLY...sometimes 2 or 3am) times of quietness.
Ruby is scheduled to arrive on January 4th. And although her actual birthday will fall in 2010, I have to say the theme to 2009 for me is RUBY! Its been quite the ride for me, and it has all kinda revolved around getting Ruby.
Starting the year off, Dave and I had made no real resolutions (other than the normal, lose weight... which we purchased a bike and wii fit to aid us!) but we had made a mutual decision that we wanted a baby in 2009. And right away, realized we were pregnant. I will never forget taking that test at midnight (maybe it was 10:30) and laughing with such delight! I was SO excited! October was going to bring us a new baby! For two months all I thought about was this baby that was coming. I enjoyed the idea of being pregnant even though a majority of the time (just like with the first two pregnancies) I did not feel pregnant. Then I remember in March telling Dave I had a bad feeling and could I really call the dr based on a bad feeling? However, that bad feeling was my body telling me that the baby wasn't ganna make it. And we found out by the end of March that the baby had passed a few weeks earlier. I faced a decision then. I could mourn and blame, and protest, and throw a fit... or I could CHOOSE to trust in God. choose to believe that HE was in charge of this life I was given (and the life of the baby) and if I was going to say I lived for Him, I needed to do so in the midst of my heartache. And although it was a very tough time for me, I learned something VERY useful and wonderful that will always stay with me. God is a graceful god. A God that WANTS whats best for me, even if that means he has to allow a bit of pain to my current situation. He desires whats best... and for whatever reason that baby (who I named Julianne Rose) was not the best for us, and I have to trust Him andbe okay with that!
Shortly... VERY shortly after, I realized I was pregnant again. And this time, I'd had a great time with God before finding out and was confident that God would allow me to hold this baby. My connection was SO strong from the very beginning. Not that it hasn't been with the other kids, but it is VERY different. Its like I'd speak to her in my mind, and she'd respond... I know seems strange. But I asked for morning sickness... how odd is that! And She gave it to me! hehe. If I hadn't felt her move in a bit I'd just have to sit back and kinda telepathically tell her to move...and boom, she'd give me a good kick in the ribs. And although I know those things come from God, I believe he is creating a bond between us through these little quirky things.
The year has gone by VERY slowly... yet kinda quickly as well. My kids are growing so fast, and going through two first trimesters (with the last one pretty hard on me) and a non energetic 2nd trimester, and now a VERY painful 3rd trimester, I have to say that 2009 hasn't been the BEST year for anyone in this house. Dave's had frustrations from work that he's never faced before. The kids are getting older, picking up on the stress, and figuring out how to cope with it as well.
But there is so much to be greatful for within their lives as well. I feel like 2009 was a year of learning and growing for them. They both have bloosomed in homeschool, and are growing up to be very fun and smart kids. I know they are only 3 &4 years old... but a momma knows!
So back to my THEME... Ruby... not just a name, but what she represents. When times were rough, and honestly there were lots of rough times, emotionally, stressfully, physically... There was a jewel growing within me... not just in my belly, but in my heart. God really began to design a gem in my heart. Allowing me to persevere, and see His works even in the midst of trials, frustrations, and even heartbreak. And Grace. whew! What a year of grace! He saw my pain, greived with me, and comforted me in a way that no one else could ever do. He reminded me that His grace is sufficient for me! That He is ALL I need! So, Ruby Grace will bring in the new year for us, and I can't wait to see all the things that come along with her, and the new year.
Zech and Lily are SO excited to meet her. I can't wait to hold her, smell her, kiss her, thank her!
But even outside the realm of motherhood, I believe 2010 will bring about some changes that Dave and I will be very excited about. And I look forward to every moment... and I mean EVERY moment. I don't want to miss a thing, God!

2009-12-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

23days???
Am I reading my little ticker right? 23 days... when I should be scheduled for 7 days earlier than that... that means SIXTEEN DAYS!!! Oh, my, with Christmas and new years nestled in those 16 (SIXTEEN) days I think Ruby will be here before I know it! I can not wait! The back pain and leg pain, and hip pain, and contraction pain hasn't gotten any better, however, I am handling it! I know that God knows this baby girl's birthday and I trust it will be the right one.
Soon and very soon! I can't wait to meet her!!!

2009-11-14T04:03:00.000-08:00

Wailing into Dancing...

Psalms 30:11-12 says "You turn my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent."

This is one of the scriptures that I posted up on my wall when I miscarried in March. I had decided that I may not be able to get through that difficult time in my life if I was not surrounded by God's promises that "life does go on". So I put similar verses all over my house. I've taken some down, but some still remain up. This is one of them.

This morning I had the priveledge of sleeping all the way until 3:45am! (2 nights ago I got up at 3, and last night I was up at 1). I am just SO uncomfortable. My legs are restless/itchy/achey. My back is in sharp pain, and my hips hate me! I dread bedtime each night. And, unfortunately, it then affects the rest of my day as I strive to just stay awake and functioning (but hopefully I will be ready for night time feedings this way, right?)

So, this morning I was finishing up a Bible Study, in which I am studying the book of Esther. In this part of my study I was asked to revisit the part of the story when the first law was put into motion by the wicked Haman. Where all the Jews hear about their upcoming doom. There were 4 emotions/actions taken by the Jewish nation of the time... (Esther 4:3)
Great Mourning, Fasting, Weeping, Wailing....
Yep that is about it, thats what I did when I miscarried. I was in such a pit! I mourned by staying silent, I couldn't eat, I weeped secretly, I WAILED at times. I was So hurt, so wounded, so saddened. It was such a sad moment in my life. Not only was I going through actual physical hormonal changes that occur when you were pregnant, and are no longer, but I also had emotional changes. I went over it over and over thinking the drs were wrong and the baby was still alive. I couldn't fathom not having that baby come October!
But I became pregnant again very quickly. (D&C on March 27th, positive pregnancy test on May 1st)

In the story of Esther, Esther goes to the king, finds favor with him and he allows her to write another edict that will allow her people to live. And when the Jews received that edict (Esther 8:16) they had 4 new emotions:
Happiness, Joy, Gladness, and HONOR!
All the things I felt as I learned that new life was within my belly again. I was nervous at the begining. Worried I would face another demise, and relive it all over again. But it wasn't long that I realized that God was still in control,and had been telling me for a month now that he would grant my requests. It was definately a lesson in trust. And now even more than ever I realize the HONOR behind getting to carry this healthy baby! To be the womb that nurtures it. What an honor we mom's have. So I choose to be happy, have joy, be glad, and feel that honor even if I never get to sleep past 2am again! hehe!

Back pains will go away, hip discomfort will only last a "moment" but the honor of being this baby's momma will stay with me for eternity! And I am SO very blessed to be able to feel those feelings of happiness, joy, gladness, and honor after feeling the "other" bad feelings. I am just so very blessed to have Ruby as my own, to care for her, to nurture her. What an honor! Thanks, God for finding me worthy enough!

2009-10-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

My First Time

Before you stop reading and think what most think when you say "My first time" just remember the title of this blog... MOTHERHOOD! Its not what you think!
Here I am 50ish days from having my 3rd baby, and I feel ecstatic about her arrival. I feel like a little kid that just can't wait for Christmas (which ironically is about the time Ruby will arrive). She is my rainbow baby! I look forward to seeing what has been growing and moving and stealing my heart for the past 7 months! Because I thought she was a boy from the first time I ever dreamed the 3rd child up in my mind, I am stuck as to who she might be. I think I am in for a big surprise, and I CAN'T WAIT!
All this has caused me to reminisce about my FIRST TIME becoming a mother. There was nothing like it. Recently my sister-in-law became a mother for the first time. We waited in the waiting room until the baby was born, and got to see some of her first moments as a mother. There is a saying that says "When a baby is born, so is a mother" and it was such a great day that flooded memories of when I first became a mother. You carry this child for 9 months, you talk to it "Hi, baby, its me MOMMY" but it isn't until that baby comes out, cries and is held in your arms that you become a MOMMY! Your life is totally changed. And I have never loved change more than at that moment.
My eyes swelled with tears, and my chest with pride as I could honestly pronounce that I had become a Mommy! This was MY baby! I grew it, I birthed it, I get to keep it! Then the huge pressure hits... UH! I am A MOMMY!!! How do I hold this tiny thing? (which who are we joking mine are never tiny). How do I FEED this baby? How do I calm this baby? And as stressful as it can be, its still YOURS. And there is something so overcoming about calming him, and feeding him, providing safety for him. And knowing God has trusted you enough to parent him!
With my first things were not easy those first few days. he went over 18 hours refusing to eat. He cried so hard he lost his voice. We did not sleep, he did not sleep. Dave and I both cried a lot. But it never crossed my mind that it wasn't the most glorious couple of days of my life. There is this fear of not being able to do it, then there's a supernatural confidence that tells you "I am a MOM! I can do anything!" We eventually made some decisions that were very hard for me to make (I chose to bottle feed him, *gasp*) and all was good. He just needed to eat, and I guess he chose to eat from a bottle! And life was good again. And I remember thinking that it was the epitome of motherhood. Casting your own desires (for me to nurse) aside for the good of your kids (for him to EAT!). And it felt good to be selfless. It felt empowering to provide ANY way I could for my son! to cuddle him, to snuggle him, to love him... unconditionally.
I watched my sister in law as she held her fragile daughter in her arms and wanted so hard to comfort this crying baby, and I remembered instantly the feeling of becoming a mother. The hardest thing you'll ever LOVE doing (and will venture out to do it time and time... and maybe even time again!). "R" held her tiny baby in her arms and even though she felt she couldn't do it, she instantly calmed that baby! She did what she felt right and that baby felt secure, safe in her momma's arms. There is NOTHING better! No better feeling than becoming a MOM, Mother, Mommy, mamma... lets just say it "SUPERWOMAN!!!"
And although the children that come afterwards are very special in their own little way. And your heart grows with each one, never lacking in love for any of them. There is nothing like your FIRST TIME! When you stopped being YOU, and became MOM for them! Totally and completely amazing! (*** For the record, I am sobbing on the other end of this keyboard... completely sobbing! hehe***)

2009-09-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

Emotional Lately??
This pregnancy is so different than the previous ones. And one of the major things that is "VERY NOTICABLE" is how emotional I am. There are days I just want to cry, don't really have a reason to, nor am I sad, or feeling down in the least little bit. However I just wanted to cry, and it won't take much to get me there. For a quick instance, watching the dad hug his daughter after she threw his one and only foul ball caught in the stands, back... that really got me! And for a good 36 hours after hearing the Green team woman from Biggest Loser's story about losing her family I was an emotional wreck!
But what I'd like to focus on here is what I cried about this last Wednesday Night. I take Zech to Cubbies on Wednesday nights. Each week Lily asks to go to. She wants to be a cubby so bad. So when it started up this year I learned there was a class for her age too. Puggles. I checked it out the first night, then came home discussed it with Dave and decided to let her go. Wednesday she got dressed with such delight, talking all the way about going to cubbies, and how much fun she would have. I reminded her that I was not staying but that I'd come back for her. She would frequently repeat the promise that I'd come back, but was confident in her excitement to go. I drop her off, she quickly says "Bye, Mommy!" and goes to play. No need to hug and kiss and prolong it. She knows I will come back. So I leave. My long walk back to my car I am reciting to myself "Don't cry! Don't cry!" I mean, seriously she's going to be there for 90 min. She isn't being raised by someone else, she isn't going EVERY DAY, she will come back to me!!! But as soon as I get in my van I burst into tears. WHY AM I CRYING??? The anxiety was just building up. my kids need this. My kids grow because of this. They may not NEED the spiritual training. That is something they get from us, and from our teachings at church. But they love the separation, the friends, and the independence. They need this to give them more confidence. So I know its a good thing and by staying and hovering, they won't get what they need to get from it. But it really filled me with such anxiety. I am not one of those moms that can't wait to get rid of my kids. I admit that I wouldn't mind time away from them from time to time. But mostly I enjoy being with them, teaching them, and watching over them. This is a dream job for me! And its hard to see them venture out without me. Rewarding to know that they are maturing into well rounded kids, able to socialize away from me, but hard to let them go. And this is such a little letting go... Oh, I hope its just pregnancy hormones!

2009-09-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

So much. Brain swelling. mind racing.

Is it possible to have "nesting" but only among thoughts and "planning". I still don't have my 100% energy back, so there is no massive cleaning and organizing going on within the house (although every morning laying in bed my mind is delighting in how nice it would be... the body reminds me NO! when I get up!) But I've been really wanting to make some changes lately. More organized, more frugal, a better mom! I think there is something to being pregnant for a year (well, at this point since January) that changes a person. I didn't feel it with the older two. I felt like pregnancy with them was just something added to my life, it didn't slow me down, nor did it change my habits. However this time around (added with the last one) I am dragging every day. So, I am hoping this kick-start will change routines for us!
Pre-K starts in our home next week. I have new curriculum, the first month's lesson plans and worksheets are printed, labeled, and organized for each days use! I have a todo list, and a check list for purchases! I feel great. I pray it continues each month. I still have the classroom to tidy up and organize and switch around a bit for the "new year". But I am getting excited and a bit nervous as well. (maybe one of these days I will blog about my homeschooling philosophy... it differs from MOST I've met that homeschool... and that makes me feel a bit on the "outside"... but that's another blog!)
I have also begun to clip coupons, check the save big money blogs, and am dedicated to make some money for my family through massive savings! I am getting really excited, and then bummed that until I start getting the Sunday paper I can't save as much. I am organizing each coupon along with post-it notes telling me where to spend it, which store coupon to pair it with, and how to get most things FREE or for less than a quarter. This new adventure is going to take up more time, so that means I have to organize this time of mine even more. Its like I've picked up a few part-time jobs. 4 hrs of teaching a week, plus 2-3 hours finding fugal finds each week plus the added time shopping at the multiple stores. However, I save a preschool tuition bill, and so far without much searching I saved us $100 this month in groceries... so i am making my family money! And its kinda a fun job!
And here I am talking about this organization I am doing in my MIND but when it comes out in the blog I seem so disheveled! hehe! I guess its just what stays inside there that seems organized! I'll get better! (hey, I am just pleased that when I spell checked the word disheveled was spelled correctly... GO ME!)

2009-08-21T17:01:00.000-07:00

Meet Ruby Grace

Although she won't be in our arms until late December/early January, we got to see what she kinda looks like! She looks just like Lily if we go by these pictures!
She was curled into such a ball (knees up to her ears) that the tech could barely measure her. But thankfully, I drank a tad of Mountain dew before going in to try to get her moving... it worked. She was adorable!
We thought she was a boy since we knew we were pregnant. We were wrong. And thats fine with us. I love the idea of saying "The girls". I was always one of "The girls" growing up, so I am happy that Lily and Ruby have a sister!
Right now she is "transverse" laying side to side which explains the pain on one side (its her head!!!) But I am smiling big, and thinking about all I can shop for! YAY for girlies!

2009-07-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

The terrible Twos, the silly boy, and the thump thump thump!

So, lets get the negative out of the way. My poor sweet well behaved two year old is... well... how do I put this... TWO! I mean, she's been two for over 8 months now, but now you can really tell she's two. I thought maybe perhaps this curse of the twos would pass her up, but no, she's caught the bug, that horrible, nasty, terrible two bug! But I have to admit, I spend more time laughing at her than I did when we went through this the first time with the boy. She is nothing in comparison to what I went through the first time. Zech was so "fun". So fun that I found my self sitting on the front porch crying almost on a weekly basis. Trying to calm down before I flew off the handle. This time I am "seasoned", I am calm, I am humored. She wails and screeches, and even tries to hit me... where did this little girl come from? She's such a sweet precious spirit, I don't know this "ugly twin". But I laugh right through it reminding her that she has a long ways to go to push me out on that porch. So as I held her down in time-out, I remember holding Zech's door shut as I tried to feed poor lily about 2 years ago. And how the time was so stressful. I wasn't getting much sleep due to having a 3 mo old, and then when I was awake I was dealing with a strong willed 2 year old. And how now, as I readjust myself so I can hold her down without hurting her, or letting her hurt me I realize how different it is. I have a 4 year old who is laughing hysterically at his rage induced sister (which is probably why its hard for me not to laugh) and a baby growing within... I then realize I get to do this all over again in about 2-2.5 years! YAY! But as it seems its getting easier and easier, maybe next time the plague of the twos will pass right by us! MAYBE??

Zech is so funny these days. His personality always gets stronger when he's around all his cousins. We just got home from a visit with my sister and her kids along with my brother's little girl and at times various other children. My mom's living room at one point had 7 little ones under the age of 5. And there's Zech being the police patrol. Making sure no one takes toys from anyone else, and if they did he was right there to snatch it back and give it to its proper owner. He kept babies off the stairs, and dealt with behavior issues from his cousins. So funny, but a bit tiring. More and more of my personality coming out. I remember the days of feeling like no one followed the rules and how frustrated it made me! I could see the frustration in his face. And today as he guarded the trash can so Lily didn't throw a bowl away, he began the two year old fit... then laughed at it... He's so so so funny! or should I put quotes around it "funny!" Believe me, it is more funny than it sounds. And didn't I always say I liked chaos! maybe not THIS kind of chaos, but the good kind. Right?

Oh, and on to child #3... What a delight he is! I know I know I don't know (read that again, it sounds funny) that its really a BOY, but I am really really sure... as sure as I can be... watch, I'll be wrong (and if I am, I will say "I knew I was wrong all along!" hehe). I've felt the little flutters for a couple of weeks now, but recently I've felt that thump thump thump of kicks and jabs and overall movement and it brightens my day. I love it! Its my very favorite part of pregnancy. It does seem that this one is VERY VERY active. I mean, i am 16 weeks and already noticing a lot of activity. I'd assume you'd need to be active with those other two as siblings.
My belly grew even more. I got a new shirt from my mom and wore it last wednesday for the first time, then wore it again on Sunday (hey, don't judge me, I am limited on clothing!) and I called out to Dave that I thought I'd grown since wearing the shirt the first time. He came in and gasped "I'd say so! Man, your going to outgrow everything!" I am glad I love my husband, or I would have drop kicked him! hehe So, when I get my battery charger for my camera I will take a 4 month pic and post it... My former youth pastor said to me on Sunday "So, your due pretty soon, October, right?" I laughed and said "nope, not until January! I just look like I am 7 m preggers!" hehe! I don't mind. It doesn't offend me! I have big babies, and big bellies with them all! I love it! LOVE IT!

2009-07-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

The power of encouragement!
Yesterday we went to a friend's pool to chill out (and I mean CHILL! it was 73degrees out!!). It was just me and Dave and the kids. I put arm floaties on Zech and tried to see if he'd get in the water and try swimming. He was terrified and stayed on the stairs. I eventually just pulled him out to the water to show him how the arm floaties would hold him up. It kinda scared him, but we tried to make sure he felt secure in the water floating him back and forth between me and daddy. Then we gave him a noodle and completely let go. He was VERY scared until we started shouting "you are so brave, you are such a great swimmer, Look how great your doing!" His demanor completely changed, his sholders stiffened with new confidence and he began to swim, and swim and swim. He went from one side of the pool to the other with ease, asking Daddy to back up, and not touch him. He got faster and faster. He gained more and more confidence as we shouted more and more encouragement. We were telling him that he was a new ninja warrior champion (from a show he watches) and he would swim even faster. i couldn't believe how fast he learned! But it goes to show how easily things can be accomplished if we were to just encourage one another.
Lily, too, found an innertube and clung to it and set off to floating. She didn't need our hands holding her up, she was reminded how proud we were of her, how brave we thought she was, and what a big girl she was, and that gave her the confidence to have that freedom in the water.
Just imagine who else we can set free with our encouraging words?

2009-07-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

What should I eat, NOW?

I think I am beginning to transition from feeling nauseous all the time to feeling hungry all the time! I still feel sick about 2-3 hours total all day, so thats not as bad as before, but I feel famished all the time. I have nothing really to snack on, and I don't want to start gaining a bunch of weight just yet (I tend to do that a lot at the end... and this time the end means Thanksgiving and Christmas) so I want to watch it this early on. I eat, I just keep it to healthier things (minus that snickers bar calling my name for snack today!!!)
The baby has fingerprints now! Its forming into its very own person. I am DIEING To know what this little one's name will be. Dave decided against Ruby Anna. I told him I loved Ruby too much that he could change her middle name. He chose Ruby Grace, and I like it even better! So I try to picture this little Ruby (I do so with really red hair though) and I imagine my little Nate too, and he's just as cute. So I guess I don't care, not that any of my kids have come out looking like what I expected!
This little one is about 3inches so far, the size of a medium shrimp! I however am as big as 600 medium shrimp... you may not believe me that I look 5 mo pregnant at 13 weeks, so I took a picture...

See, isn't that big! I am a bit concerned. More so than with the other two when I was bigger. I was NEVER this big... I am pretty sure there are multiples in there, but I have to trust the 4 Ultrasounds we've had so far and assume they didn't miss the extra baby. Its just the strangest thing!

I am feeling the baby moving. He must wake up when the older ones to go bed... or thats when I settle down, but its mainly in one spot and it tickles and makes me VERY happy! I felt it at 14 weeks with both the others, so I am pretty sure thats what it is.

So, here's the latests week preggo post!

2009-07-02T06:46:00.000-07:00

Blasts from the Past!

Yesterday we drove more than normal, so I listen to K-Love for more time than normal. However I am convinced God was orchestrating the music! All the songs were worship songs from my teen years.

Shout to the Lord
Heaven to Earth
Know you More
Holy Love
& more

It took me back to a spot in my spiritual life that I enjoyed immensely! I could enter into worship with such ease. I heard God's voice on a regular basis, I woke up praying, went to bed praying, and read the Bible many times throughout the day. (finished the entire thing in a year 2 years in a row). My witness was strong, and my verbal testimony occurred easily and often. I could speak to my friends in high school about God on a regular and real way. I had friends (unsaved friends) that would come to me for prayer, or counsel on a weekly basis. I was not seen as a hypocrite, I was not made fun of, i was respected for my beliefs and felt like it was the highlight of my spiritual walk.

I am not saying that my relationship is wavering, or that I don't wake up and go to bed in prayer. But it doesn't seem the same. I feel like my relationship with God is much more mature, and very solid. Its not as much "work" (used that word because I couldn't think of another one). But I miss the passion! I miss the worship experience, I miss the evangelism, the carefree bliss of that time of my life (spiritually speaking). I've grown cynical, frustrated, worrisome. I can't blame the ministry. I want to sometimes. When we know so much about things from a pastoral view things tend to get bogged down... but I CAN NOT blame the Ministry. I can't blame the world we live in. When sin prevails throughout our world, and within our leaders, its sad that spirituality no longer means a relationship with Christ... but I CAN NOT blame the culture. I can't blame my friends. When I was young I was surrounded my like minded Christian friends. My youth group ROCKED, my youth pastor had passion and vision. I had friends to hold me up, to support my walk, now I do not have those friends surrounding me anymore... but I CAN NOT blame my friends. So... WHO can I blame? My age, my experiences, my life? Nope... just plain ole me! I love my relationship with God. I love to listen to my music and sing to him daily, I love outreach (even though I tend to get upset more than I need to), I love the instant connect I have with God right now in my life... but I need to keep my focus on HIM! My passion focused on HIS passion. And serve Him for Him! I still miss those times in my life, but realize I have THIS time in my life to serve Him and be passionate about Him. And all that depends on me. I have nothing else to blame, or pin it on... its between me and God. I look forward to see what He's going to do in me in the coming months!

2009-06-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

Its official! I am FINALLY out of the 1st trimester! I've been in this dreaded 1st trimester since January. With only a technical week between the two pregnancies, I've had low energy now for 6 months! I wasn't as sick the first 10 weeks, but with the 2nd pregnancy I've been sick now for a little over 8 weeks! I am ready for it to be past. I am looking forward to feeling those little flutters and kicks! I really look forward to Zech and Lily getting to feel it. Zech is really excited and has been dreaming about this ever growing baby inside me.

My tummy is getting big fast! I am hoping it tapers off for a bit. I have outgrown most of my pants. I have one maternity pair of jeans, and I bought two pair of gaucho pants to accommodate the bigger belly. I hope that will hold me until I get to the fall and can wear jeans and pants. Then I can justify spending money on the pants.

I am beginning to feel better and have more energy, but I am stuck in the middle of no nap needed and "oh now I over did it" stage. Then I crash about 8pm!

The baby is the size of a lemon now, my uterus is supposedly the size of a softball. I am thinking more like a soccer ball! hehe... not quite!

The baby is beginning to practice swallowing (you don't want to know what it swallows!), and its eye lids are gaining muscle strength so they can open and close later. The most exciting thing is that the brain is developing very rapidly. synapses are forming vigorously making him so smart!

I am still in awe of this little one! so happy to have him in there (or her in there) and so blessed to get to carry this one! Thank you, GOD!

2009-06-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

It just melts my heart!

So at 11 weeks my little blessing baby has all its organs! They may not function completely on their own (thats why he needs me!) but they are all present. My rocket scientist baby is practicing opening and closing its fists this week too. Those little fingers and toes are REAL fingers and toes, no more webbed, amphibian type fingers and toes!
This week is the biggest growth spurt my baby will every go through. It will over double in size and will begin to add more and more functions daily! I feel a nap coming on! This is an important week! The baby has made it past the crucial times and will now focus on perfecting each bodily function!
I look at this picture, and melt. I feel so SO pregnant all the time! And I talk to him (or her, I guess) all the time. I rub my belly and remind him that he's such a wonderful gift from God, That I love him tremendously, and that he has this mighty plan already for his life! That God has a purpose and desire to see him grow and develop! And I weep thinking of how people can decide even at this stage to abort their babies! I think about how many "scientists" if they found some organism in a lake that had every organ we adults have, could move independently, and had measurable brain waves, would they not do everything they could to protect this newly found "LIFE"? Yet we have these babies with souls and heartbeats, livers, pancreases, neurons... the list goes on... and so many that discard them for "convenience" sake. It breaks my heart!
This will probably be our last pregnancy, and although I am sick about 60% of the time, and tired the rest of the time, I cherish the opportunity to carry this baby! I am thankful to my God for the gift of this awesome life within me! One more week and I will FINALLY be out of the 1st trimester!

We already have names! If I didn't mention them last time, here they are... (if I did, oh well, you can see them again!)
Nathanael Paul (Call him Nate) Nathanael means Gift from God... and there is no doubt that this baby is a true gift to us! Paul is Daddy's middle name! If my sons can be half of what their daddy is, they will be completely awesome boys! (Zech has Dave's first name!)
OR...
Ruby Anna. Ruby is a gorgeous red jewel. Very precious, very gorgeous... just as I assume this little girl would be. Anna means Grace; favor... and its been obvious to me throughout this pregnancy that God has shown favor upon me! His grace is sufficient!

2009-06-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

Oh Baby!

So, its been a fun year... hehe! Not completely, but its been 6 months now that we've been in 2009, and as I blogged about before, a rollercoaster ride is all I can compare it to. In January we found out we were pregnant. I was so overjoyed. Then in March we found out we lost the baby, I was so overwhelmed with sadness. Then in the end of April we found out we were pregnant AGAIN! This is the part of the rollercoaster where you are smiling with tears of fear streaming down your face.
I had been charting my Basal Body Temp since the D&C March 27th. I wanted to see if I could figure out my cycles. I had no clue what to expect after a pregnancy loss, and a d&c. So I got up everyday and took my temp and recorded it on really cool site I found.
Around mid april I went to the drs office for a UTI and asked the dr to take a pregnancy test before they prescribed me anything. The dr said the test was negative and explained that I would probably ovulate late because of the recent events. So I had some left over ovulation kits from back in Dec/Jan and tried those. They were indicating that the date was approaching, however i ran out of tests. I didn't buy more thinking that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be pregnant right away anyway. So I was just continuing to chart my temps. Then one day the website says that I had ovulated the day before. I was a bit bummed at the idea that we had missed it, but thought "Oh well, this is in God's hands, and He knows if I can handle it right away" So I continued to chart to see if I could determine with the end of the cycle would be.

Well, the temps kept rising, and next thing I know the website is telling me that my temps are showing signs of pregnancy. I showed Dave, asked him what he thought. He just brushed it off. Then I started feeling sick. I counted the days, and was only about 8 days past when I supposedly ovulated... but I was definately sick. So I waited 2 more days and thought "well, maybe I can wait until monday (it was friday)." I was cleaning under Lily's bed when I had horrible side pains. I'd felt those before, so I looked and lo and behold I still had a pregnancy test under the sink. I took it about noon, and it instantly came up... POSITIVE! I literally fell to my knees and cried... and cried... and cried! I kept saying "thank you God, now keep it healthy!"
I called dave and told him he needed to be praying for me. He asks why and I tell him I took the left over pregnancy test. He immediately assumes I am upset that I took a test to find out its negative. He says "Why did you do that!?" I then tell him that I was pregnant. And of course I begin to cry!
I call my dr, he has me get my hcg levels checked until they reach 2800 and I am far enough along for an ultrasound.
I get my first Ultrasound! I go in and the tech asks my Last Menstral Period... I tell her that technically is was in January, but I informed her of the D&C. I tell her that I'd plotted my temps and know when I ovulated so we could date the pregnancy by that date... yeah, they don't do that! So she puts on the screen that I SHOULD be 6w4d. But I kept in my mind that I am probably 5w2d. She informs me that the baby is very small, and that I am not measuring 6w4d. So I say "Am I measuring around 5w2d?" She says very enthusiastically, "Yes! You are measuring 5w1d!" Then she knows that I am just REALLY early. She thought she detected some fluttering, so she has me hold my breath and try to keep as still as possible. It was completely amazing! As soon as my body was still its like the tiny dot on the screen had another even smaller dot inside that had the tiniest of flutter. I about DIED! I was so happy. The tech said she had never seen a heartbeat this early before. She raved about the new equipment and how wonderful it was, and how she's been there so long, and was so blessed to get to see that tiny little flutter (too small to even measure!) I responded with "Yeah, God just wanted to bless my socks off today! That was ALL for ME!"

I cried all the way to get the kids

About a week later, I woke up about 4 am and discovered that I had been bleeding. I was terrified. I woke Dave up, had him pray for me, then headed to the Living room to discuss this with God. I just told him flat out that I was VERY confused, that I thought for sure that I had heard him correctly, and felt very confident that He was going to give me this baby to have, to hold, to nurture. I didn't feel like I was losing faith in GOD, but in myself. Did I really hear him? Why was I so positive and felt so blessed only to have this baby die too. I was so upset. I ended up going to the ER and asking them to just look and tell me if it was all over. The dr looked and saw no blood, said the cervix was closed, so they had me go down for an Ultrasound. I got the same girl from before. She explained at the very beginning that she could not show me anything on the screen because I had come through the ER. I tried not to crane my neck to see, I tried not to look at her face, I just prayed. Then she turned the screen towards me, and said... "See that strong heartbeat?" I lost it. I cried and praised God so hard. I had to stop and sit still so she could finish the ultrasound. I was just so relieved. My baby was measuring perfectly, to the day, and had a very strong heartbeat.

I was diagnosed with a Subchorionic Hematoma, where the baby's sack separates from the Uteran Wall. It causes bleeds in the uterus, which, duh, come out... but the baby is fine! I was put on bedrest, and other restrictions. I was still very scared. I felt so out of control with fear! If I bled, I couldn't stay calm. If I felt better that day, I'd freak out. I was not myself. then I heard a song saying that God is my healer, he will calm my fears, and my raging seas... I needed it so bad that day. I needed to give things over to God. I needed to let him carry those burdens. I couldn't do anything to help myself. I needed His healing.

Since then, I've had 2 more Ultrasounds, all look positive, all have great heartbeats, and the most recent one revealed that the hematoma is perfectly fine. My dr raised our success rate to 95-98%! The same as 2nd and 3rd trimester patients!
This baby is doing fine! I am about 10 weeks, and already showing. I am sick sick sick... which is weird since I never had that with any other pregnancy. However at the very beginning, way before I even found out, I asked God to give me a small sign that everything was okay, something that would remind me daily that baby was there and growing! And he blessed me with lots and lots of nausea!
So, I feel like I've gotten to the part in the rollercoaster where I can start to enjoy it. I can let go, raise my hands and let out a "HALLELUJAH!" I am sure there will be more scary parts to this year, but I've already learned that the belt is fastened tight, I am secure, and to sit back and enjoy the ride!

Oh yeah, the due date is Jan 11, 2010!

2009-05-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

Keep your eyes open, arms up or the roller coaster isn't as fun!

This week has been a pure rollercoaster ride. And not one of those that you WANT to be on. There is a lot of fretting, more worrying, and even more trying to have fun on this ride. I am praying its like a real coaster that lasts such a short while! I appologize in advance for my "vague-ness". Until I get more information, I want to keep my prognosis to myself (and my family, of course). Last week I found myself in the ER , the diagnosis doesn't seem "That serious" but has the potential to become a huge issue. So I have some restrictions put on me, I can not lift my children, need to keep my feet up, and stay calm. HA! So although I am praying that I have a mild case that will heal before my next check up, I am battling the "What if it gets worse" thoughts on a regular basis. I trust my Lord, so I rely on His words, and pray for His healing...

Whats bothering me the most is my lack of energy, and the fact that I can't carry my children. Not to bed, not to the car. Not in playtime, nor when they are hurting. It is so important for me to get a good report at my next appointment that I am being very good at obeying. However, its breaking my heart. When Lily needs me, she usually needs to be carried around. Its breaking my heart not to carry her to bed, not to stand and sway with her when she's upset. I can see her behavior changing. I am pulling her to my lap anytime I can, but I know she knows the difference.

Today I look at my house and think, "I've got to pull my energy and get this house clean... the STEVIE-WAY clean!" I can do a little here, and a little there... then I decided to lay down. Lily comes up and asks to become a baby burrito (she likes to be swaddled in her blankie). So I wrap her and pull her to the couch with me. She lays there and lays there, and lays there. I lay there looking at all the school that needs to be finished before the summer, the clothes that need to be put away, the house that needs to be cleaned but close my eyes rub her back and relax a minute to just be mommy to my baby burrito! There was no stress. No thinking of what the dr could say at the next appt. No worrying about the next "drop" in this ride, not questioning if I was doing enough to stay healthy... just cuddling, just being mom, just loving on my daughter! And the thrill of this ride overcame me!

2009-05-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

Invisible Playthings

My kids have quite the imagination! They have these invisible play things. Sometimes its a baby, sometimes its an alligator, sometimes its "The Wild". It drives me nuts. One will have this "plaything" and the other will take it away, then the first child screams and cries because the other "took it away!" I try to convince them that they can manufacture another INVISIBLE-NON-EXISTENT toy, but it doesn't work that way!
Today, I snapped. I took their invisible toys away! I snatched those baby alligator wild things right out of their little hands and "THREW THEM AWAY" (which was really just behind me in that IMAGINARY trash can). Zech gives me this tiny smirk showing me that he completely understands that this is just a silly game... however, that also means he "steals" hers just to get her to scream and cry! Lily however is DEVASTATED! She is acting the same way she would if I went in her room with a trash bag and threw away her most favorite toys. It broke my heart.
So I explained to them that we don't take things away, and that we need to respect each other's toys (imaginary or not!) And then we dug it out of the "trash" so she could play with her... whatever-it-was-this-time toy. All was good in the Ciske home... then I looked up and noticed Dave staring at me. He's probably wondering "What in the world?" HA, the dramas of the invisible are still my problem!

2009-05-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

Some recent Kidisms...
Keeping in mind Zech is 4, Lily is 2 (going on 13)

Zech: He picks up the Cheez it box and asks me what they are (we don't normally get them, but they were on sale). I say "Those are Cheez its" Zech replies, "Oh, I didn't know they could put Jesus in a box". We now know how they get their cheesiness... Jesus can do all things! hehe!

Lily: Her new pants were sagging big time. I had asked her to pull her shirt up so I could see if they were sagging in the front, she didn't understand so I rephrased and said "Let me see your belly". She raises her shirt up and I see what I want and say "yep, they are falling off." She shrieks in horror "My BELLY IS FALLING OFF?! MY BELLY IS FALLING OFF?!"

Lily: After making some homemade bread with her mommy says "This bread is Crackilackin!" (From Madegascar)

Zech: He is giving me the synopsis of Wall E (as if I haven't seen it 8 million times). He says "Beware, NO Robots". I say, "ya know, I think they said Rogue Robots" He looks at me like I am a complete idiot and says "Why would they say Rogue? That is not even a word!" I have since tried to explain to him what Rogue means, he hasn't given in!

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE! If only I had hours to sit and write them... I remember them though, and will be making a book soon! hehe!

2009-04-06T10:42:00.000-07:00

Julianne Rose
I usually have my ears open for just the right name. I even think about it when I am not pregnant. And since having Lily, I have thought of girls names more frequently. Lilian Jewel was the best name in the world at the time, and it meant so much to me. So to come up with another girl name was agonizing for me (as you may have read in earlier posts). However, when I found out I was pregnant I literally could not sleep as I had to come up with the perfect name. Dave was convinced that it was a boy so he would say "Name her whatever you want" then roll over and fall asleep. I'd be awake, then wake up only hours later with it still on my mind.
At one point in that short lived pregnancy I tried to stop obsessing over it. I thought "I have a long time before I have to come up with a definate name... I must stop" But I just couldn't! I just HAD to come up with something great.
I announced to Dave that her name was Julianne Rose. And I told him I would not be changing my mind! Then I could sleep!
So today I had a drs appointment. The pathology results were back on the baby. He told me that they had labeled it "product of conception" meaning it was something to do with Chromosomes of some sort. They don't go into much more detail because there is just so much to investigate. The good news of this is that there is nothing wrong with the womb that would indicate complications in further pregnancies. My baby just couldn't sustain life for whatever reason. And the report indicated that it was a girl. So I immediately began crying. It was easier thinking it was just a baby, but now to know it was my daughter makes it a bit more "personal" as if it wasn't already... I hope you understand the lack of words I have to express it. However, all the obsessing seemed to make sense to me. I am so happy that I had a name for her. And if it isn't already a precious name, it means youthful. And It dawned on me how fitting that name is. Julianne will never grow old. She will never have wrinkles from worry, she will never experience pain from her evergrowing bones, she will never experience the horrors of this world... she will forever stay young with her God. And I can't imagine anything better for my baby girl! Julianne, have fun with Jesus, we'll see you someday!

2009-03-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

Psalm 139

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

This is one of the chapters of the Bible that is really ministering to me during this time. I want to just miraculously be "over" this. I want to feel like its in the past... yes, this soon. I feel like I am doing well, but I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to bring it up to Dave anymore. And I know it hasn't been very long, but I don't want any of it. So, sometimes I feel like I don't know how to feel. However, I can go before God and feel any way I want. So I walk around my house reciting the chapter (sometimes I leave out all the things about my enemies... I can deal with them later... hehe).
My Lord searches me, He knows me. I don't have to worry about feeling good when people think I should be crying, or for crying when people think I should be "over it". He knows my heart. he knows when I pace. When I sit for too long and begin to think about all the "what ifs" or "what nows". He is familiar with all my ways. I rejoice and find comfort in the fact that I can go no where away from His spirit, I can not flee from His presence! And PTL i don't want to! When negative thoughts creep in, I know that even in that darkness, it will not be dark to God. The night will shine like the day!
I absolutely love that he created my inmost being! And that that is true of my unborn baby. He created this baby's inmost being. And although I didn't get to hold the baby or see her/him I know that he/she was wonderfully made for His works are wonderful and I DO KNOW THAT FULL WELL! And I am so happy that He saw this unformed body. And there are times when I do ask God "Why if he was wonderfully made did he not make it?" But He quickly reminded me that all the days were ordained for me... and my baby, they were written in His book before one of them came to be. And I am okay with that. I feel so close to God knowing that he didn't let my baby die for some random reason. he didn't allow my sorrow for the heck of it!
How precious to me are His thoughts! He has so many of them. He thinks about me often!
So, Lord, help me heal! Search me and know my heart. Test me (which I think you are doing.. let me pass!) and know my anxious thoughts!
I want to try for another baby, but the anxiety is so huge. I know that He knows my thoughts, he will lead me in the way of everlasting!

2009-03-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

Just Bored
This weather we are having is just boring! I mean, it was nice weather out, and maybe we should have played out, but instead we thought it'd be fun to have a jammie day and stay in... BORING!
I've been searching the net all day. i am just about overdone on the miscarriage threads I've been a part of this week. I mean, they've been a lot of help. They give me some idea of what to expect. However, I want to get over it, and not have to talk about it anymore.
So I started to search other blogs/sites... I ran into one that was called "How to preform a Striptease". Don't get me wrong. It was on weddedbliss and I thought that was a Christian site, so i thought "Hey, they're just ganna tell me how to spice things up... yeah, it wasn't! I had to stop watching this video and pray that the AG doesn't come in and do any random searches on our computer! He he! My husband still wants me to try the strip tease some day (sorry, mother-in-law, I am sure you don't want to read that!) Maybe someday! hehe!
I read a bunch of sites on crafts we can do this week. Zech is obsessed with "is it Easter yet!" so I may begin our easter crafts this week and decorate the house a bit! He is also sad that it snowed since it doesn't snow in the spring and spring time means CARNIVAL TIME! I don't know where he gets this, but he can't wait to go to a carnival... I will have to keep my eyes open and some cash on hand just in case one pops up!
I read an old youth group friend's blog. he found out he has Cancer... he is holding up VERY well, while I feel like the week of losing my baby was horrible, I realize there are much worse things that could have happened.
I look forward to this week. A normal week. Its like I lost last week. I got nothing done! My kids didn't even wear pants yesterday! How horrible!
So, there is my random blog... more later!

2009-03-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

Intuition?
Today is a pretty sad day for me. I keep thinking I'll be better, then the sadness comes back. I honestly don't think I've ever been this sad. And I hope I don't have to feel it often or soon!
I had an ultrasound today after begging the doctors office for it. I had been bleeding a bit since Sunday night, and this morning it was redder and more than the other two. I went in to find out that the baby never progressed past 7 weeks.
I have began cramping (and OUCH... no wonder women take days off work to sit on heating pads if this is cramping they feel!) and will probably pass the baby within the next 48 hours. I chose not to do the D&C unless there looked to be complications during this natural stage.
I wanted to blog just because... well I don't know why, I just need to get this all out.
I keep talking and praying with Dave and know that, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know I have been called according to His purpose!
I told Dave on saturday that I just needed prayer that I didn't think things were going well. That I felt uneasy and that I just needed to see the dr. Then on Sunday I began the bleeding. Its as if God was preparing me.
I know that God loves me, is not punishing me (even if that thought creeps in, and it already has... I take it captive),and has my best interest at heart.
Going in today I had this conversation with God.
"Lord, I know just as Jesus Prayed, that I will do your will, no matter what that entails. But, if at all possible, please save this baby!" I told God that I wanted Him to look at my heart, to know that I want what He wants. And at the same time want to have a happy healthy baby. And that He can change anything, or make anything the way he desires. I prayed that even if my request was not granted, that He'd be my comfort. And although I haven't yet made it 15 min without crying, I know His hand is upon me. I know that He is working on me even through grieving.
My dr said I could start trying in two weeks. I am not sure I am ready for that. However, my desire for a baby is not gone, just pushed back for the sadness of losing this one.
I could take your prayers. I know I have family praying already, but I want to glorify God even with my sadness. So, pray I can be stronger than I feel and keep going!
Thanks...
Stevie

2009-03-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

Week 9
My baby now is about the size of a medium green olive (talk about being very precise, huh?)
Although the baby is still very small, it is beginning to look more like a human being. he will begin to make tiny movements as the muscles start to develop. The arms and hands are progressing faster than the legs and feet at this point. By this time of his development, the hands have defined finger ridges and the tissue between them will die off to leave separate fingers.

I can't believe how cute this little baby is! I can't wait to see him/her.
Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: My baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. My baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that my baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain. YAY! I can't wait for the rapid weight gain! hehe!

So far her (if its possible that its a girl) name is Julianne Rose. We will call her Jule (or possibly it will come out of my mouth as Jules, as does Lily's name come out as Lils very often).

We'll see if Dave speaks up and changes it. Right now he is so convinced its a boy that he agrees to anything I say just because...

His name (as we assume its a boy) is Nathanael Paul (Nate). I just have to have the name set! It drives me crazy if I don't!

2009-03-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

Kidisms

Sunday I took just Zech out shopping at the outlet mall. It was a beautiful day, he hardly naps at all, so I thought it might be a fun "date" with my son. We went to Carters, Gymboree, Old Navy, and Gap... not THAT spread out, but it was a lot of walking. The weather was WONDERFUL! Zech was halairious. By the time we got to gap I was promising it was the last store. As we looked around Zech sits on the floor and says, "Oh, man, this baby is really making my feet hurt! I can't walk anymore." The sales associates were rolling on the floor with laughter. Then when I tell him to get off the floor he says "Seriously, this baby is making me really sick! We have to leave!" So funny! We had to leave to get ice cream, I mean, every pregnant 4 year old BOY needs ice cream!

So, tonight was Lily's turn. We ran to the mall and to get groceries. Lily's all talk! She talks about how the chipmunk ate her bananas (they were old, and we were trying to lure it out of its hole). She told me all about mailing her paci to the crying baby (2 weeks ago!). And then she asked me to tell her about the 3 Little Bears. So I tell her the story, again and again. After the 3rd time I tell her to tell me. So she continues the story. "The papa bear said 'WHO'S IN MY BED!?' Mama bear says 'WHO'S IN MY BED' baby bear looks and says 'Its that goldy girl! She's in my bed!'" All said in various voices... I was dieing I was laughing so hard!

2009-03-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

NO MORE TAIL (well almost!)

This week my baby has developed webbed fingers and toes that are poking out from his hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. (Good thing that goes away... whew!) In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. My baby is about the size of a kidney bean and is constantly moving. I shouldn't be able to feel this yet, it is a bit too small!

We just found out that my sister-in-law (I should just say sister, she's as close as my own!) is pregnant too. She waited a long time to tell us and is actually further along than I am. We are three weeks apart. I am so excited. My older sister is pregnant too, due in June. (she will say May, but she always goes late... so I am assuming June). All these babies! I just can't believe I am only 8 weeks along! That is A LONG TIME to wait! I mention this every week, but really!

I know that if I stopped thinking about it October would be here sooner than a blink of an eye. The summer always goes by too fast!

I still haven't had my first prenatal appointment. Its driving me crazy! I assume everything is okay, but I'd really like to hear it (and see it) at the first appointment. I hear he has a new internal ultrasound machine and I will have my first ultra sound! I am SUPER excited about that!

I brag about how I hardly feel pregnant, no real bad symptoms other than being tired. But lately I've felt pretty yucky. I feel like I need to eat, but the thought of food makes me nauseas! Its an endless cycle. Not bad enough to have anti-nausea meds or anything, and never close to really puking (except when I saw a kid throw up on tv yesterday!). So far so good! This is VERY similar to my past pregnancies.

I'm really feeling boy! I am not sure I'll believe it if its a girl.

Also, I am making my prediction now that when I do have my ultra sound they will say I am 4 days farther than my LMP says. I think I ovulated on the 23rd, so I did the calculations and that would make my due date 10/14... hey, its 4 days early! I can hope, huh!

2009-03-08T09:57:00.001-07:00

The Evangecube

This morning was a very rainy morning and I am not sure if that was why, or if we can blame the hour change... or maybe if we can just KNOW that God knows all things, and sets all things into motion... But, no kids showed up for kids church. My two did of course, but that was it. I wasn't about to cancel the day, its important that my kids get church too. So we did our weekly kids church routine. We gave in the Buddle Barrels, we sang our worship songs (we even did extra favorites of the kids and let them dance) then instead of doing my big elaborate lesson I would do for the 10 kids that normally show up, I decided to get the Evangecube out. I had extras so I could let the kids have their own. My kids love the Evangecube... let me share with you what its about... Its a cube that folds to tell the redemption story. For kids this is what I say...

This is the cube unopened, the first picture...

The Bible says that every man and woman, girl and boy have done bad things. And our bad things have separated us from God. And could keep us out of heaven. (Rom 3:23)

Who wants to go to heaven? Of course all do! and they raise their hands in joy! My kids do it every time!

Then we fold the cube outwards to reveal the 2nd picture...

This is a picture of Jesus. He is God's son. he was sent to earth to seek and save those who can not get to heaven because of their sins. (Luke 19:10). God sent his only son so that whoever believed in him would have a chance to go to heaven (John 3:16) He died so that you could have all your sins (bad things) forgiven. He was our payment for sin (Romans 6:23). he died for YOU! because he loves you so much! I even say "He died just for Zech!" "He died because he loves Lily so much" (isn't it wonderful that you were on His mind?) I explain even the grusome details. That He was nailed to the cross, was hit, was spit on, was made fun of... and He still did it because He wanted to see us all in heaven with Him.

After Jesus went through so much pain and suffering, he died. (Flip the cube)

He was put in this tomb. The guards worried people might come and take Jesus' body, so they guarded the tomb. They made it nice and secure so no one could come in! BUT (oh, how I love this BUT!!!!!)

Flip cube out...

Jesus ROSE FROM THE DEAD! He was no longer dead! he rolled that stone away! Jesus is ALIVE! Ya know why its important that he is alive? It means we serve a living God. One who hears us, who still loves us, who can speak to us. He has overcome the grave! He is ALIVE (Now, seriously, this is exciting!) Because He died to pay for our sins, and because He rose He is a living God... (Flip cube)He has made a way for us to get to heaven! Although the cross isn't Literal passage way... He made it this easy! The symbol of a cross has become our way to heaven! And now we have full access... You just have ONE thing to do! (flip cube now...)

We just need to grab His hand! We need to decide to let God come in. And let him be the leader of our lives. Jesus is the only way to avoid hell (and we allow the kids to touch... I like to make a sizzling sound when they touch the flames... I laugh when the pull their hands away as if they've really been burned!) The ONLY way to Heaven is to accept Jesus! This is all we have to do. And by doing this we are saying to God "I want you to be the leader of my life. help me!"

Flip cube...

By accepting Jesus as leader of our lives (yes, adults say Savior... kids understand Leader, the one who saves us and leads us!) we are choosing to live for Him. To live for him, we need to pray regularly, read our Bibles. Our Bible tells us more about God and how He wants us to live. We should join other christians and learn about God (Go to church), and tell the world about Him!

(I stopped looking for all the scriptures... if you want them, message me I will get them all for you!)

So, we did this evangecube this morning with my 4 year old and my 2 year old. Well, Zech, (the 4 year old) was very impressed (even though we've done it MANY times before!) and before I even asked the question, he said "Mommy, I want to go to Heaven, and ask Jesus into my heart!" So without hesitation we prayed. Him repeating me every word. He has prayed this prayer before with the older kids in church, but is mostly looking around to see what the older kids are saying, but there was something different this time. he really got into it, and melted my heart as he prayed. It is the biggest joy for a Mommy to lead their children to the Lord. Lily said it too, this time. However at age 2, I assume she has a bit more understanding to gain!

I love being in Ministry. Dave and I have had the honor of leading many to the Lord. Our hearts are filled with joy with every one, however, leading my son today to the Lord has been the reason for my call to ministry! I am VERY happy! He is VERY Happy and told everyone he saw, "I have Jesus in my heart... I'm going to heaven!" Praise the Lord!

2009-03-07T06:47:00.000-08:00

I've been a mommy for FOUR years!
My oldest baby is 4! Zech's birthday was on Wednesday. He has just grown up so much! I always like to reminisce about that fabulous day he was born. I was scared out of my mind. I'd never really had surgery before. But they thought a C-Section was what was best for our situation. The moment he came out the nurse said "I am SO glad we did the section!" That first glance at him amazed me. I could see him. He had been kicking me and flipping around so much inside, that when I saw this calm tiny (well, not so tiny at 9# 5oz) little thing, my heart melted. He still does that to me today. He says the most wonderful things. Just yesterday he was "reading" this card his grandma sent him. He said the card was from Jesus. Jesus had "written" "I love you all, even those with polka-dotted hair." Then he said that the card said "Hosanna, blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Love, Jesus!"
(that was this weeks memory verse!) When Zech sees hearts he says "this heart reminds us that God loves us!" And now when I see a heart that is what I remember.
When Zech was born all I thought I knew was gone. He was unlike any baby I'd ever had experience with. I had nannied for many years before becoming a mommy, and when that day came, it wasn't like nanny-ing at all! This was MY baby! I would raise him without having to check with any one else. No one could undo my decisions. He was so strong willed from the very beginning. I knew right away we would have to have a double portion of patience. I praise God now, 4 years later, for that patience, yet I still am asking for more!
Zech is a struggle some times, but he is just so wonderful! He is just so sweet! He is just so smart! And these strong willed traits will serve him well with his walk with God! I can't wait to see it flourish!
So far I really like this 4 year old thing! he has matured a lot in the last month! he is more willing to do things on his own. He is is learning at a very rapid pace. He is starting to calm down quicker and easier with every disappointment. He is really getting more and more independent. I am liking 4, so far!

So here are some pics to see how far he's come!

2009-03-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

And a new Milestone Monday!

The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities. And at this stage is when you say "Oh, its so ugly its cute!" I mean, really that baby isn't the cutest in the world, but he is close! (All Ciske Babies are adorable!)

Technically, my baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone (see, cute, huh?) The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. My baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry. And I measured my tummy and I've grown too. My pants all still fit, but I'm definately bigger!My uterus has doubled in size in the past five weeks (even if it just a few cms!) This baby has eyelid folds partially covering her peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of her nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of my baby's brain are growing, and her liver is churning out red blood cells until her bone marrow forms and takes over this role. She also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in my baby's growing intestines is bulging into her umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from her tiny body.

I hope I am not boring you, I do this every pregnancy. I study all the things my baby is doing inside. Its my way of checking up! I just stand in awe of how God can do such awesome things. And yet there are people who don't acknowledge his awesome ways!

I love that all I need to do is provide nutrition for this baby (and even if I do poorly at this, the baby will take what it needs from me) and God is forming this baby. Every little bloodcell, every eye lash, every organ, every personality triat... he is in control of it all! How wonderfully amazing!

I can't wait to meet him (or her). At this point I would be in utter shock to find out its a girl. That may change later, but so far, I think its a boy! I've even picked out the baby bedding! I haven't bought it... although, I may buy a few things just in case ( I saw stuff that would match at the Dollar spot at Target!) I can always regift to others... right...

here is a picture of the bedding... (well, it won't post a pic... here is the link)
http://www.target.com/Sumersault-Geo-Boy-10-pc-Crib/dp/B001MEY0IQ/ref=in_de_display%20_children?ie=UTF8&pf_rd_r=0TJ54JRREFZ7ZH478Z2C&pf_rd_p=465352811&pf_rd_i=B001NXE44G&pf_rd_s=bottom-8&altString=Sumersault%20Geo%20Boy%2010-pc.%20Crib%20Set&pf_rd_m=A1VC38T7YXB528&pf_rd_t=5201

I will not be disappointed to have another girl, it just doesn't seem like thats what it is. So, let it be known now what I have made my perdiction as. Now, I have been known to change last minute... but I won't say "I was right all along!" hehe! Imean, Ihave a 50/50 chance of being correct, right?

But on another note, Ifeel GREAT. I am tired, and feel like I've lost my mind at times (I will be researching to see what this pregnancy brain is!). But I am not sick, I don't even feel yucky, I am kinda losing my appetite a bit, but thats okay! I make sure to get my mini meals in. I need a healthy baby! So, so far, so good! I look forward to the next 33 weeks of feeling GREAT! *yeah, right, right?

2009-02-23T16:51:00.000-08:00

Milestone Monday

6weeks:

This week, my baby is going through major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears are beginning to take shape. He has an oversize head and dark spots where my baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form (Doesn't he/she sound beautiful?) His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as mine — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, my baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a Lentil bean (but please don't call him that!).

I actually don't even feel pregnant. Last week I was feeling a bit queazy, but now I feel perfectly fine... well, besides falling asleep any and every time I sit still not doing anything. My poor husband! I try to nap just to have a normal conversation with him in the evening without him looking at me fall asleep midsentence. I still haven't had a doctor's appointment and I wish I were going in sooner. I guess its just I want that assurity. I hate that I worry even when I have a Savior that takes those burdens of worry away from me... well, if I give them to him. I sure do try! I worry when I don't feel pregnant, "what if something is wrong?" I worry when I do "Is that a normal feeling"... and this is my THIRD time at this! I should be over it by now. I am just so excited I don't want to overlook anything! But, I do feel confident that God has a plan... well, more than confident that is! I KNOW he does, and no matter what would happen, I rest in his hands!

I am already obsessing over baby names. We know the boy name, but in that slight 50% chance its a girl, I need a name. I am stuck right now on Adeline. Dave says to make a list and he can choose... but I don't want any other name... so maybe I can hand him a paper with Adeline written 25 times on the page... or match it with names like Beatrice, Bertha, Salutation (is that a name?) things like that... I bet he'll pick my name then! I love Adeline Rose... And I understand that Adeline is a love or hate name. So maybe he'll pick it knowing we'd call her Addy! And maybe we will just have a boy and not have to worry about it!

I just don't want to wait 34 weeks! I will, of course... I just don't want to!

2009-02-18T13:59:00.000-08:00

A photo challenge

A friend over at Limited Editing has tagged me in a game. I am to go into my pictures folder, find the 4th folder and upload the 4th picture. Since mine are mainly organized by year and month and day/event, I will keep going in 4s until I get a pic... here is mine:

It was taken at Lily's 2nd birthday party just months ago.

She had a dress up party. She was a ballerina. She is just too cute! I have to say that was my most creative birthday party yet. She had such an amazing cake! I felt so proud... its too bad she won't remember it! However, she has a mama obsessed with taking pictures, so at least she will have this! Here is a picture of the cake from that day...

So, now I tag people? Joann, Renee P., and Melis. (If they read this blog that is!)

2009-01-22T16:33:00.001-08:00

Bible Study overload?
I love Bible Study, I always have, and I hope I always will. I do, however, seem to overdo it at times... For instance, I am starting (in the first week of) A very intense Beth Moore study, I am starting another Study with some girlfriends of mine (Train up a Mom) and I am doing a marriage builder one with my husband/small group (Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti). And as I finished up a study this last weekend the story of Abraham and Isaac came up, then the entire story of the covenant made with Abraham... then in Beth Moore it is brought up. Dave is doing a study on Genesis with his Sunday School class so we were discussing the Abraham "story". It has been on my mind all week. I've been reading the same scriptures over and over... and I am thinking I may need to read it again. Maybe God is speaking to me! This doens't always happen that all the studies line up to teach one unified lesson... but all of a sudden it is happening that way. And if that isn't enough I was sent an email from the makers of Veggie Tales and they are coming out with a new Veggie Tales DVD about the story of Abraham and the patience they had in waiting for their baby... And I turn to Dave and ask, "What is God telling me? What do I need to grasp on to from this story (FACTUAL story)?" Dave says "God will give you a baby in your old age!" hehe! I am still pondering it for now... I may read through one more time and spend some extra time in prayer. There is one central theme going on in my life right now, and I'm already feeling an urgency about it all, so I want to be sure I am receiving what I should receive. So many women are facing some of the same battles around me, and I feel I need to reach out, but I am at a loss for words. I have some anxiety concerning some things right now, and even though I am trying to contain that anxiety and give it to God, it returns without notice at times. This uneasy urgency... so I don't want to overlook a recurring message in my life.
So... if you are a pray-er... can ya say a prayer! pray-ers in prayers! I know He is speaking to me, I know there is something I should do... I want to do it right! I want to be that vessal, or that student, or that sponge... whatever it may be!

2009-01-04T15:32:00.000-08:00

2008 in review

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Photographed a wedding
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't normally make new year resolutions... but this year mine is to start making
"goals" for myself on a weekly/monthly/yearly basis.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
How odd, NO! I can't think of anyone!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
(I don't think so, but I am not sure I have years right)
5. What countries did you visit?
None! Boo hoo!
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A better organized/scheduled day (week/month)
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Unfortunately December 11th (its just ganna be there for a while... and I don't really want
to share... but I know!)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Starting to homeschool
9. What was your biggest failure?
Homeschool (I really didn't do a great job... but I am proud of starting!)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I did go to the ER in Oct for an odd stomach thing...
11. What was the best thing you bought?
We didn't really buy anything this year! But I did buy a 4GB memory card for my camera,
that was huge... and really never really used that much! hehe
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Lily... She has really proved herself to be a pretty obedient 2 year old (well, in the 6 weeks
of 2008 that she was 2) and uses her words when needing to tell me something... I am
really proud of that!
Zech... for gaving up his paci (or 'bed' to him) And yes, I know that he was 3 years old...
but he only got it at night... and this was a huge thing for us! Lily is next!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Voters. I am convinced that many that voted did not vote for the issues but based on race or gender! (either BECAUSE someone was black, or BECAUSE they weren't... or because there was a woman... even if she was a great woman... its not WHY we vote for her)
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills... oh how I wish we were in the position to give more to missions than to any other
thing... maybe someday!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was really excited about Christmas this year.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Santis Reel's Whatever your doing & Brandon Heath's Give me your eyes
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? unfortunately, the same
c) richer or poorer? a tad bit richer (A VERY TAD BIT)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Calling my friends
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Laying on the couch watching tv (at night of course!)
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Here at home, it was the funnest (most fun) Christmas yet! The kids got to sled and play
and take their time here at home... I loved it!
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fell deeper in love with my husband!
22.What was your favorite TV program?
Pushing Daisies, Desparate housewives, and Journeymen (even though thats off the air!)
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I really didn't hate anyone last year... so no
24. What was the best book you read?
The Shack
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I didn't really discover anyone... I do like Brandon Heath though
26. What did you want and get?
haha... a triffle bowl!
27. What did you want and not get?
New furniture
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
P. S. I Love You
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got a surprise birthday party, and I turned 30. I also got some baskets and new pillows...
all I asked for!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A better homeschool experience! There's always 2009!
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I would just laugh, and that would sum it up!
32. What kept you sane?
Other than Jesus, of course, yahoo games/mahjong!
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Sarah Palin
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The stance on Gay marriage
35. Who did you miss?
I missed my st. Louis friends... got to see them at the very end of '08
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Rhonda R... I love her comments at Bible Study... can't wait for her to come back!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Use your words! People respond better to you!
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Whatever your doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow theres peace!
39. 2008 in one word.
Blessed!
40. Hope for 2009.
Lots of learning in homeschool, no babies in diapers (unless I am blessed with a new baby this year)... a new baby, organized days, goals met! And of course I'd love to see our church grow. I have been feeling like God is askingme to do more, so I want to build stronger relationships and see that work in the ministry. I have a feeling there will be big changes in 2009, so I look forward to filling this out next year!

2008-12-17T18:14:00.000-08:00

Proud of myself

Well, I hardly ever say this... but today I finished a project that made me proud... of myself! I will be 30 tomorrow, maybe I am getting better at this as I get OLD! hehe!

This year for Christmas we are trying to not spend money (on my Mom's side). So the kids will all kinda exchange toys they no longer play with. So, Zech is giving Miles (his cousin 10 mo younger) a batman. So I made a cape to go with it. I was afraid Zech would regret giving his toy away, so I made a Superman cape to go with his exsisting Superman (the one just like the batman). This project was easy, but took some creativity... and I am SO proud of them!

Miles really wants to be SUPER MILES so instead of MilesMan (Like Batman) I put SuperMiles on his... ya know I have to be the favorite auntie!Zech saw me making them. He is SUPER excited and may not be able to wait until Christmas!

2008-12-13T13:59:00.000-08:00

Just some random thoughts!

I haven't been on here in a long time, but I've had a few things I wanted to blog about... Like one was "The Joys of Snow" but since I can only come up with ONE thing (SOMETIMES it's pretty SOMETIMES!) I figured the blog wouldn't be very long. This week has just been a bit weird. But here are some things that have been on my mind and pieces of conversation...

First: Homeschooling. It seems to get harder each week. I didn't buy curriculum this year since he is really only 3, and I wanted to save the money... I just bought some workbooks and we work on the structure of things and the basics. However, I think Zech hates it, and I feel I fail after every session. It makes me think maybe he should go to school. Then I entertain that thought for a while and realize its just too important to give up. I must just improve my lessons and "way of things". So this week we had a cookie exchange on the scheduled school day. I had decided long ago that at this point I should take advantage of our homeschool flexibility so we moved our school day to the day before. Since I had to make cookies, and my kids ADORE making anything, I made it our lesson.

I labeled evey ingredient with the letter it started with and the word below in various sized bowls.

Then in order to get to pour the ingredients in, he had to "read" the labels. And tell me the letter and the sound it made (ie, Eggs... E eeee sound as in EGG)

We discussed the little vs big bowls and felt the difference between dry and wet... by adding the egg...

It was quite the fun lesson... And it is always a tastey lesson: However, if you plan on passing these cookies out, you have to MAKE sure the kids put the right ingredients in, and not on the floor... or you end up with flat (good tasting) cookies... ones I won't hand out!Homeschooling gets to be fun, I guess! and I just have to try to find it within myself to make it that way. I mean, this lesson really got him to look at letters in a new way. In the everyday use of things.

Now the Second topic this week: SANTA

We choose not to do Santa. I look back on my experience with Santa. I remember thinking ("believing") in this idea that a jolly man brought me EXACTLY what I wanted. And I listened to trusted adults as they told me stories of how Santa brought them things when they were young and how they "saw" santa and talked to santa. And I remember the day I found out the real truth... There was no santa. I was devestated. I hated that all these adults who told me to always tell the truth had lied. I questioned it all in one sweep. Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, God! I knew that Santa wasn't real, but I believed that the stories the adult told must be true. the more questions I asked, the more I had lost faith in them in the way of truth.

This why I (again, why I) don't do Santa. Our mail purpose in this life is to point towards Jesus. The way the TRUTH the life! and where there is absolute truth, there is no room for anything but truth. I can not justify for any reason lieing to my children. When the world they live in is full of things that are lies (drugs will get you through your sorrows, alcohol will drown your troubles, sex is the best way to satisfy your urges, and so on) it is MY responsibility as a parent to be the one that points towards truth. If my children at any point feel I have lied to them, I risk them deciding they can't trust me. And was the lie of a jolly red giant (hehe) be worth it? No, it won't. I don't dismiss Santa in our holida tradition becuase I am Jehovah's Witness, I don't do it to spoil the fun, I don't do it to ruin other parents fun. I do it to promote truth in every situation. And my kids can only benefit. I just am shocked when I see all the trouble some parents go through to promote a lie. Its one thing if they know its a game, and you are playing a game... but these poor kids are puting their hope in this at a time that is set up for a hope in Christ. So, although this can upset MANY parents. I have talked with so many that are following the way of truth this season, and that makes it much easier for me. And like I said "this is the way I do it", and I am not out to ruin it for anyone else.

I am looking forward to Christmas having a pure focus on Jesus and the gift He gave us! I am looking forward to the kids being able to tell that story over and over to their children and not worry about their kids finding out its all a lie. Its the truth every year, and you can never out grow that magic!

2008-11-21T19:56:00.000-08:00

My baby is two
I am a day late on this but hey, its explained in the title (I HAVE A TWO YEAR OLD!).
Lily turned two yesterday. I know it doesn't seem like its been that long since she's been here, but when I look at her and see how smart she is, and all her abilities, I am amazed she is two! I am amazed at how quickly time has happened and how it seems like she's been here forever. She is just so smart!
Here is her story:
When we decided to have children we knew we wanted the first two close in age. So we had decided to try to get pregnant when Zech was a year old. It happened quicker than we thought. Dave didn't believe me that I was pregnant until I actually took the test and tried to tell him through my laughter. So it seems fitting that I laugh so often when I am around her. She just cracks me up. I even laugh at her "fits". I have to, its what keeps me sane.
We were scheduled for a C-Section on November 20th at 2pm. We had to arrive at noon. My contractions started by 6am. By noon I could barely walk to the Maternity ward. I had to take several stops along the way. But they had checked me and decided I could wait the next two hours. I was much more relaxed this time around and I joked around with the nurses and doctors and Dave and I felt very laid back. Then they couldn't get the spinal in to prep me for surgery. It really scared me. I had heard so many stories of women getting nerves cut from the spinal, so I am not sure if it hurt so bad or if it scared me so bad but I cried. I kept apollogizing for seeming like such a baby. I said "this will only last like 10 minutes right? Most women go through so much more to have a baby, I can handle 10 minutes!"
When she was born her little cry was just so sweet. So soft and quiet. I learned her personality from that first cry. And she was just so tiny looking. I didn't believe them when they said she weighed 8lbs 2 oz. I was convinced she was much tinier! She never cried those first few months. And even now she is mostly quiet. She is learning to fight back with Zech (unfortunately that means biting) but for the most part she stays pretty quiet and calm. She is just so funny. She talks wonderfully and says things that I can't believe a 2 year old can say.
"You'll never see your _______(whatever she is snatching) again... A HHHAAAA HHAAA HHAA!!!" It sounds naughty but its part of a game, so its SO funny!
She repeats her brother WAY too often... Today I said "Go ahead and get down" She says "I can't, Mommy" I say "Why not?" She looks around and says "Ummm, its too deep!" Not a real reason, but her brother says it once in a while and she must have picked it up!
She is very polite and says "please and Thank you" and can now even put two fingers up to tell us how old she is!
Her vocabulary is ever growing and as cute as it is, it just may get her in trouble later!
I just can't believe I EVER said I never wanted girls. I mean, I may not want more, but I can't imagine my life without her and her "girliness!" Sometimes its me that is pushing her to play dress up and to play "little Mommy" but I know she loves it. She is such a girl... and still loves to play cars with Zech.
She is quite the mommy's girl. Well, not quite... COMPLETELY! I have to be the last to kiss her goodnight, the one to get her up in the morning (Dave does it, but she looks for me!) She will scour the earth to find me to comfort her, and she needs me to hold her to get her calm after a fit. Its been this way since birth... and I really don't mind! It is our special bond! Daddy is a great daddy and she has a great relationship with him, but she is MY baby! And I know it may not last so I eat it up as much as possible while I can.
So I leave you with some pictures from her 2 year photoshoot! In the middle she decided to settle in and pick the lint out of her toes... I just thought it was SO haliarious I keep shooting! It made the shoot worth it!(sometimes those shoots can get really stressful!)

2008-11-05T06:01:00.000-08:00

History--

So we have a new president. And history was made. Barack Obama is our new president. He is our first African American president, and for the last statement I am a bit proud to be alive, to see our first black president. It makes me feel like maybe things have changed drastically enough to feel proud about. The first statement makes me feel sad. I am sad that it had to be HIM. I have so many reasons for not voting in that direction, and I am proud to say none of my reasons had anything to do with his race. Nor did it have to do with Sarah Palin's gender. Those are not issues for which a person should make a decision at the voting booths. The issues they support should be the deciding factor. And what is conflicting me is that. Did people come out to vote for Obama based on his stance on the issues, or based on his race? Did people go out an vote for McCain for nothing more than the fact that he WASN'T black? Its hard to know. I just know that there have been bad presidents before, and God has still been in control. Not that I KNOW Obama will be a bad president, I don' t dare to know that! But I am sad for the babies that have no chance with him, the ideas he has about the money we all work hard to earn, and sad that we have a president with such little experience. But I am happy to know that God is in control! And maybe now race won't be such an issue.

2008-10-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

Who Do I want to be?
I had a conversation the other day with a lady at MOPS and something came out of my mouth that I had never even processed myself before. I asked her "What kind of Mom and Wife do you WANT to be?" I told her to determine the answer to that and then work to BE that kind of mom and wife. I understand that our wants need to be realistic. I mean, I can't decide I want to be someone I am not, I just think if we listed our "ideals" then worked on them, maybe we'd be a better wife/mom by this time next year.
I am an inventory kind a person. I stay on top of things, and my husband can attest to this. I often ask him if he's happy, if I can do something for him, if he's happy with our marriage. I want to catch these things before its past fixing. However my kids can't asess their current situation quite as verbally, so its just one more thing I have to do for them.
Are they healthy? Are they thriving? Are they socially stimulated, emotionally safe, physically physical? And am I the kind of mother that I WANT to be?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be better than what you are. Its just importatnt that it gets off your todo list and into your daily actions. I want to be a Mom that is teaching at the teachable moments. A Mom who doesn't have to convince my children that I love them, my actions throughout the day display this to them. I want my kids to feel safe to talk to me, to express themselves and their feelings to me (in a respectable way!!!). And of course there are SO much more... and more superficial like I want to be a fun mom, a creative mom, a happy and approachable mom... so how do I become that? They need to be things I work on daily. I have to have that list visible at all times. I need to practice self-discipline (God-discipline) and bite my tongue, or take time to talk. I need to express to my kids deliberately how much I love them... and WHAT I love about them! I think I have the fun part down... hehe! And if they complain, they are lieing! hehe
Same with my role as wife. I sure hope Dave feels supported and loved, but sometimes he gets the last of what the kids take up. I have to add to my wife list "give more time to your husband!"... and then rewrite it tomorrow and the next day and so forth. The Mom thing comes a bit easier to me, the wife part needs more than just the to do list... The actions are more intentional. Maybe its because I am with my kids 24/7 so I get more practice, and maybe its becuase they are children and are being RAISED, but they get the first of me and sometimes the last and I feel bad that Dave gets left-overs. And unfortunately, he hates left-overs... they just sit in the fridge until they mold... so I need to get that back on my to do list, and back to my original thought process here...
Basically, What I am saying (if you are lost too) is that life is a process... you can't just sit back and let it happen and then wonder why you can't ever be that person you always wanted to be. Live life intentionally. Make a plan and work every day (even if its in baby steps) to be who you want to be... and MAKE SURE you become the person God wants you to be.
So, Lord, What is that?

2008-10-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

Just when I think I may have an inkling of understanding...

I just recently finished the book The Shack by William Young. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed it and look forward to a time that I will read it again and again. For the time being, I am still trying to wrap by brain around it all. It is a easy read time wise, but I spent a couple of days just re-reading some of the truths within in. This man has an incredible (and very personal) encounter with God and some of the things that is revealed to him during his time with Him shattered my preconcieved ideas (and I even got Dave to look at some hard core "belief's " he's held on to for so long). One of the central themes I took away from the book is the indepth concept of it is not about me! I've always said that, but its SO true. The religions we establish, the relationships, the laws we abide by, the truths we hold so dear are all about ME (well, you in your case!). God really spoke to me the other day when I was running late for MOPS. I hate being late. I hate when other people are late so I feel I should always practice time management and get places on time. I am stressing out on my way there and I stop myself realizing that the traffic will only go so fast, and my car should only go the speed limit so why am I so stressed. I began to pray. I felt like God asked the question "Why do you have to be on time to a Moms group?" And of course I gave him the most honest answer "I don't want to be late!!!" God presses for my real answer, "WHY?" "I want to be a good person!" And although I don't think this conversation was AT all about being late... it was about my reasons for why I wanted to be on time... I want to be a good person. Isn't that all about YOU? If its important to be timely shouldn't it be to glorify God? Although I believe God wants us to be on time, its to point to Him. This reoccuring theme has been coming up in prayer time, in my everyday activities, in my devotions... Its not about me. I feel I have had this on my mind when making decisions and have felt it coming easier for me... not EASY, just easier... Then on something happened this week that was my "test" and I am not sure I can really allow myself to think about it enough to digest it. Its a bit too personal to let ANY reader read, so I will be vague. I've been praying for some things lately and am learning to wait up on God for them. I've done this before and I thought I'd be fine waiting. Then some other news came making me long for my prayer even more. I broke, I wanted to start questioning God if he'd ever answer. But then realized I don't see the big picture. I don't see the WHYs behind how God does things. And I stopped thinking about how this world doesn't revolve around ME! This is a hard concept! And I am really trying. We humans are just so limited! WE allow our vision to be limited and our actions to be limited. I just can't imagine all the things God could accomplish through us if we'd just stop putting ourselves, our wants, our "image" before God... isnt there a commandment about that?

2008-10-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

Where is Jesus?

In Cubbies Zech is sent home with a story and a verse to go over at home. We've added it to our homeschool curriculum. So this week I tell Zech the story of when Mary and Joseph "lose" Jesus.
I tell the story each day in hopes he will be able to tell the story himself by the next day. So I begin the story asking him to fill in the blanks
"Jesus' Mommy and Daddy have lost Jesus! Where is he, Zech?"

Zech replies "He's in the Bathroom!"

2008-10-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

Life

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I hosted a small group. We called it young marriages. We are starting to notice a trend among those that get married. Its HARD! And there is little training on the subject. You go through 8+ years to operate on the heart, and nothing (maybe 6 wks premaritial counseling) to be close to someone's heart. And as Dave has been finishing up his Bachelors on the topic (Family Studies) he and I noticed that some people may need help. I don' t know how it came easy for us. I don't know if its our personalities, or that God would someday put marriages on our heart and knew that we could only minster if we had a healthy one. So... as I was saying, a couple of weeks ago we held our first young marriages (those marriages under 10 years old) group. We challenged them to go see Fireproof and then to romance their spouses. With the preparation of this challenge Dave and I began to pray for marriages. And ours got even better. We just happened to have more patience, talk more, notice one another more. So we went to see the movie (amazing ministry tool!) and loved it. We spent a week doing nice things for one another, and putting each other first. Its so fun when you bring it to a new level. We also realized how hard that was, and how impractical it was. Getting Dave chocolate becuase he loves it is romantic, but not substantial. It won't save a marriage. Dave doing the dishes for me makes me feel great, but it doesn't build our marriage closer (although I do LOVE his help!) So we picked up the book "The Love Dare" done in the movie, and decided that it was a better tool than trying to come up with everyday "things" This book is so real.

Day one-- Stay patient, say nothing negative about your spouse or to your spouse. It was easy, we didn't have to choose to say nothing... and it already seems to be making us more aware.

I am not saying we never argue or get mad, or even act a bit selfish in our marriage, but I am saying that even great marriages can get better! and I have always stood tall next to my husband who works with me to have a good marriage!I am blessed and I pray God uses that in us to bless others. It will be 8 years in 3 months. And thats just a drop in the bucket! I want it to be great for the next 80!

So, if you need a boost, no matter if you are living in marital bliss or struggling... get the book

http://thelovedarebook.com/

2008-09-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

May I pass out or puke now?

So our plans for today were a bit changed this morning when Zech somehow ran into the corner of the walls (ya know where two walls meet) and put an index finger + size gash in his head. I ran to him and turned him around and about DIED when I saw this huge gash with white glaring through! I panicked for a moment. Called Dave hysterically and told him I didn't think I could do this alone and to meet us at the hospital. Then immediately realized I could do it. I calmed down, got a cold cloth and the diaper bag and we were off.

Each time I looked in the rearview mirror and saw this giant opening in his head I thought I'd die. But we made it! It was about a 12 minute drive to the ER, and a 3 min drive to find a parking spot! (Note to self... next time use valet parking!) This lady sees me holding Zech like a baby and dragging Lily by her arm as we walk to the building. She quickly grabs a wheel chair and puts all three of us in it. They call ahead to the docs to let them know "There is a boy coming with a hole in his head!" (it wasn't really THAT bad).

We get in the room and they put a cotton ball of liticane on it (the cotton ball, the entire thing, fit inside the gash!). Zech stayed pretty calm as he watched some rapping bear on TV. He didn't do too well with the long needle of numbing stuff, and neither did I. I wanted to look in Zech's eyes to make sure he knew I was there for him, so I had to watch this long needle go in as Zech's face swelled with hurt and fear! Then they washed it (they may have washed it first???) and there was more crying. then they covered his head with a cloth that had a whole in it just for the "Laceration". Thats when I realized he couldn't see my face, so I started to bawl! I felt so sick to my stomach! But I quickly realized he needed to hear me. I asked him "Would you rather do the Big Balls or the sucker punch wall?" He calmed down and answered my questions "Big Balls"

"Would you rather do the suckerpunch wall or the Butt Kicker?" "Butt kicker". "Would you like the cookie cutter wall or the Bubble Bath" "Bubble bath". (all things from Wipeout his favorite show... its a crazy obstacle course game show). Then all of a sudden he must have seen the needle/hook the guy was using to stitch him up, he lost it. He was "done" as he said. I had to hold him down and try to calm him.

13 stitches later the guy removed the cloth and all was well in Zech's life. He was over it quickly.

CHEESE, he says!

Here is what I am praising God for:

He had no concusion or loss of consciousness
He was abnormally calm for such a strong willed child
He allowed prayer to calm him. We prayed during a hard time and when we were done he said "In Jesus' name, Amen" and stopped crying.
God gave me strength when I didn't know I could do it
Lily stayed very calm and behaved well, i didn't have to worry about her at all.
It could have happened 3 minutes earlier and i wouldn't have been RIGHT there!

There was a point I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it all, but then there was a point where something welled up and I knew it would be fine, it was okay, could be worse. I kinda feel like vomiting right now, now that he's well, and sleeping. But thats okay, I handled it! lets just not let this happen again!

New rule: NO RUNNING IN THE HOUSE... Why wasn't that in place before???

2008-09-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

The Marriage Challenge

Last night we challenged 4 couples to take this Fireproof Challenge. Maybe if you are reading, and married, you, too, can take this challenge on for your marriage!

Frist... Go see the movie FIREPROOF staring Kirk Cameron. For more info on the movie see the plugged in review...
http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0004166.cfm
Like it says in the review, this movie was not made to win awards from any academy. It was made to save lives! And if many Christians would go see it opening weekend it will show up in the box office and encourage others (maybe even unsaved) to go see the movie... and perhaps they will make enough money with this movie to make a higher budget film next time.

Second... In the movie Kirk Cameron's character takes 40 days to save his marriage. Our challenge was to FIREPROOF your marriage. It may not be on the brink of the end (and again, for some it may), but what are you doing to prevent the bad times? Our challenge is to start on Monday, September 29th and do something that to show that you value your marriage. Treat your spouse, encourage your spouse, love on your spouse... just put in extra effort to show your spouse that you are in this for ETERNITY... Show them that your marrige means a lot to you... do something small, or something large that will romance your spouse. Write it down, and record the difference it makes in your marriage.

For our group, we will share on a bimonthly basis... for you... leave me a comment... how is this affecting your marriage? Or don't... just fireproof your marriage!

2008-09-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

Lots of STUFF

We have a lot going on right now! I kinda like it! But sometimes when there is so much, I forget a lot of stuff, so i want to jot some stuff down for me...

1st-- Zech started cubbies. Its an awanas program. Its been hard on me in many ways. First, I am sad that our church doesn't have Royal Rangers. I want to start it, but we don't really have enough kids yet for something on another night. Second, it is really hard for me to take my kid to another church. Dave is a pastor here, and we are driving Zech to a totally different church. I guess thats a pride thing. Like I feel like we should be providing that. But then again, I've tried a Wednesday night and it doesn't work. Third, I am taking Zech and DROPPING him off. He's never really been to a nursery (for a very short time as an infant) but since he's had Mommy and Daddy as his Children's pastors. So Zech goes to school with Mom, has church with Mom, goes to every play group with Mom... it was time to let him do something alone. So I enrolled him in this awanas program. I took him and STAYED the first time, then left the building/campus this last week. It was hard. I stared at the clock the entire time waiting to pick him up. He loves it, wears his cubbie vest, and memorizes scripture like you can't believe. So I know its good for him!

2nd-- Lily is a speedy talker! Its so funny becuase everyone says "Does she talk?" and Dave and I look at each other and laugh... Does she ever! She is a shy girl outside our house, and around others, but at home each day, she says everything and anything. She screamed when we dropped Zech off at cubbies "Mommy, I go to cubbies!" over and over. crying all the while. It was so sad... and confirmed my praises of her vocabulary to my friends. She tells me what she wants to wear, how she wants her food, and NO! all the time NO! (I remember this stage with Zech!WELL!). She has such a funny attitude and loves to dance. We were in a restaurant last night and the music was oddly loud. We look over and as Lily is eating she is dancing all over the place. She is such a fun lady!

3rd. This Sunday we are starting a new ministry. We call it ministry, but we may grow just as much as anyone else! We are starting a young marriages group. We are starting with dinner and a challenge then we will see where it takes us in the next year or so. It is geared for anyone married 10 years or under. So far we have 4 other couple coming... all have been married well under 4 years (one I am not sure about... but I think its under 4). We will celebrate 8 years in a couple of months. I am not sure we know MORE about marriage, but we've done it longer. And we STILL love one another! I am just so excited! Most have children, or step-children, or trying for children. The excitement comes in many aspects... 1st This is where Dave and I are starting to feel drawn. Family Ministries. When a family prays together, goes to church together, and is CHRISTIAN together I think lives can be changed (all around this family). 2nd These young families grow our church. We need young people in a church in order for the church to be around in 50 years! So its nice to be able to encourage them to bring in more young couples! 3rd. The challenge we will give I think can do so much in the kingdom... I won't post it yet, but it starts with seeing the movie FIREPROOF! (google it!) and lastly and LEAST as important, I get to host! I love this! We are having a dinner at our house, and I get to do it all! I love that! I've got all my fall stuff out (sunday is the first day of fall!).

I am just so excited about all this new stuff and what it does to our family! So sorry if it bored you all... I will post the challenge sunday night! It'd be great if every married couple did something like it! I know you will all be waiting intently on that! hehe!

2008-09-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

Honeymoon is over
I really shouldn't say that... but today was a bit harder with homeschooling. I read in a book (one I really liked) that you should only praise and make the learning experience GREAT! And that you should never use the words "Your not even trying!" However, when your son takes his pencil and scribbles all over his worksheet while glaring you down, isn't it safe to say he really isn't trying. I am trying not to get so overwhelmed if he doesn't catch on as quick as I think he should. Z was easy. He already had been practicing writing it. And my goal was to have him writing his name by the end of the month. So, today we did E. lowercase, mind you! e... e... e... I made worksheets of elephants trying to get to the nuts... and he stayed within the lines... but to actually write it was a challenge.
Dave and I had a long "discussion" last night on how we should teach him to make it. I learned in my handwritting class in college (yes, I took a class on how to write perfect manuscript, and cursive... its mandatory in the state of MO to get your degree!) The manuscript way is to make a C lift your pencil, and make the line that finishes your e. HOWEVER, I never learned it that way in school. And what if I send him to say, 4th grade, will they undo what I've taught and confuse him!? So we decided it would probably be cursive in4th grade so teach him to do one continuous stroke... so I teach... Straight line, up and over... I repeat this OVER AND OVER as I write it using his hand. he repeats back to me, STRAIGHT UP AND OVER! However, the "shape" on the paper was NOTHING! he wouldn't do the straight, and then makes a circle, or squiggle, or looks at me in a full fledged glare and scribbled on his paper!
So, I made him tough it out. I don't want him to get in his head that that behavior stops school... and we moved on as if he hadn't had done it.
However. After nap, he found an ink pen and made the most glorious e I have ever seen! Maybe he just had to sleep on it!
As I am showing him that the Z sound and the E sound come together to form his name (for those of you who don't know, his name is ZECH, rhymes with DECK, not ZACK rhyming with SACK!) so we say his name slowly to hear the zzzz eeeee K sound. He says, "Okay, can I go watch Wipeout?" TOTALLY done! UGH! he's just 3, right? School isn't that important! its just the schedule we are getting used to... right? RIGHT!? He's SO smart (I am bias, I know) so I know he can learn this. I guess the honeymoon's over!

2008-09-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 9:24-25

A few weeks ago the older kids in kids church had to memorize 1 Corinthians 9:24, 25.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize. Run in such a way to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games, goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever."

At the table at lunch, Zech recited the entire first verse. And missed only a few words in the 2nd one. I was amazed. I got the camera out... He was too goofy to do the 2nd part of the verse... but even Lily caught on and could fill in blanks!

2008-09-04T08:40:00.001-07:00

VENT
Proverbs 31:11 "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." & 12 "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."
Because of the above verse, I had to delete my previous post... I hadn't actually published it yet. I actually thought it said "She brings honor to her husband in the marketplace" but I didn't find that verse. Either way, thats what God told me... To bring honor to my husband in the marketplace (or on the web!)... so needlesstosay I needed to delete my previous rant!!!
I am just feeling a bit worthless today. Like there is no value in what I do. I tell myself as I clean my house, teach my kids, and prepare dinner that what I do is the right thing to do, but sometimes the confidence is gone. And I wish my husband could honestly say this about me! "that he has full confidence in me..." but sometimes that isn't said. And I feel I do lack in value. I need to just leave it at that, and in God's hands. I always tell the youth and will continue to tell my kids that we always do whats right. No matter who cuts you down, no matter what everyone around you does. You are responsible for your own actions and held accountable to your own choices... so as much as I'd love to vent my rants... I must follow the last part of that verse... Even when I want to... never mind!

2008-09-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

DAY ONE is over

I could barely sleep last night. As if it was MY first day at school. And if you have read my previous blogs you'd understand why...

Today I set no objective other than just to play it by ear, learn what he likes, and start the routine. And praise God. I accomplished that much and more. Zech seemed to really like it. I had his undivided attention for a full 90 minutes. Thats great! I lost my watch and haven't installed a clock in our room yet, so I really had no clue of how much time had passed. I basically wanted to get through a few things and then let him explore.

First he was upset that he wasn't "GOING" to school. So I learned that I need to change my words... maybe DOING school is a better phrase. We went outside with our weather cards and choose the weather. Zech said it was Hot and Sunny. Lily got the warm card. Then we headed down to put it on our chart. We moved the arrow to September and started our calendar. Zech loved the "There are 7 Days" song and will learn his days soon. He repeated the date and used the pointer to show us how to read it "Today is... Tuesday, September 2, 2008!

We then practiced the Z... what words have Zs in them. And as he traced his fingers over the cardboard Z, we recited words. I said Zeeeebra, Ziiipper, ZZZZooo... He caught on quickly and said ZZZech, ZZZoom, ZZZZero! I was very impressed. So I drew a few on the board and then gave him his first worksheet.

I made this on the computer to teach him the directions to move his pencil. We had used an arrow on the board to teach the directions, then he had to get the zebra to the apple. In hopes he would get the hang of how the direction of a Z went.

He look scholarly already, doesn't he?

He is one of those kids that must stand to do their work.
The result? Check out that Z!
This is what Lily did while we had school. She sat and listened to "circle" (if you can call it that) time for all of 7 minutes!
cute though, huh?
Once he had drew a few Zs, we did some math. We sorted foam pieces (some had been chewed on... so I guess Lily did a few other things while we were learning).

This was one activity Lily really liked. She messed it up for Zech though, and he wasn't too happy!

She just couldn't figure out Zech's sorting method! Can you?

They then got to play in the "Sensory Table". Which is really just a gazillion little bags of different beans. I have a rice one at church, but learned very quickly how messy that can get. At least you can pick beans up with your hands... and believe me, I did!

Zech was given this page (below) as a guide to the "treasures" hidden inside...

He had a blast. I was so happy that he was having such a fun time.

Lily didn't care much about the list until she found something... then she was very excited.

There was a little surprise hidden inside...

Which prompted us to get back to the Letter Z...

He got some all the way up by his ear!

And that brings us to ZEE END OF ZZ (until his next class on Friday).

Don't worry, they won't all be this long, nor have so many pictures... Today was a big day for us... well for me!

2008-09-01T11:52:00.001-07:00

"...God's initial goal for Christian homeschooling families is not the raising of godly children. Instead, God's wonderful, but subtly hidden agenda is that the homeschooling experience be so challenging for the parents that they feel the need and hunger for a closer walk with their heavenly Father." (Kyle Miller)

Lord, I pray for a healthy school year. I pray for the desire to raise godly children because You are creating me into your godly child!

We start tomorrow. Please, Lord, give me the ways to teach, the words to say, the patience to persevere.

2008-08-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

Introducing Ciske Homeschool

We are SO blessed! We found a HUGE remnant carpet for $44. Originally we looked at spending $30... and that WAS NOT happening... We decided we could not afford to carpet the entire room, so we had other plans, but we found a 11x15 (that I think was actually bigger) for $44... so it covers the entire room! I am WAY excited. So we are ready for the first day of school (hense the date on the chalk-board).

This is the alphabet around the top, the calendar/todayis... tomorrow is... yesteday was.../weather wall. With a chalkboard.

The I CAN sign is just for Zech who says "I can't" all the time.

This is the chalkboard for the kids

This is my # caterpillar that Lily LOVES

This is the "reading nook" and my storage area

Also as you can see, I SUCK at spray paint, so my chalkboard is a bit drippy... and until I get white wall paint (which isn't in the budget anywhere) it will stay drippy... and that is OKAY with me... well, I have been told it has to be!

We are pretty happy... and its already been prayed over! now we wait for a blessed school year!

2008-08-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

The Classroom

I will post pictures soon, but my classroom is almost done. I have a chalkboard, a calendar, a weather chart, a "Today is, Tomorrow is, Yesterday is" section, An alphabet around the top of the room, a caterpillar that bears the #s... a desk, a table, sorting toys, puzzles, lacing cards! Its almost done. I just spent 20 minutes just standing in the room, hoping and dreaming. I went to college to be a teacher. I should know how to do this. I've taught first graders, and 6th graders... I 've taught 2 year olds, 4 year olds, I should be able to teach ONE three year old! So, I pray that his school experience is a good one. I pray that he is eager to "go to school". I pray for patience in teaching and for wisdom in how to teach. I pray that his mind will be open, eager, and willing! I pray his brain swells with knowledge... I pray my fear will go away!
I am hoping to get carpet this weekend, and then I will be done... I will then just make sure all the activities are lined up! Again, I pray my fear will go away!

2008-08-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

A Few unsaid things

A lot has beeing going on lately, and I feel I just can't keep up! And part of it is just the overwhelming brain I have. I have about a billion MORE things that go through my mind "to do" that getting anything done seems to come second only to THINKING about getting it done! Does this even make any sense?

First of all I finished the wedding. I actually photographed my first wedding. I cried all day. The Bride was gorgeous and she is such a soft spot in my heart. I was so happy to get to spend the day with her on such a special occasion. However, I didn't think the pictures went as I had planned them in my head. I knew it as I was taking them. We just didn't think things through as much as I thought. I had a detailed list of poses, and didn't get some that I thought were most important. Her flowers didn't come until after the couple pictures, so she had no pictures of her and her husband and her bouquet... which seemed so weird to me.

But overall, she does have some pretty shots... I was just so disappointed in myself. I really thought I would have done better. So as I looked at the shots, I cry each time, feeling like I failed her. I hope that there is that slim chance she is satisfied. Her photobook is gorgeous, so maybe that will seal it up.

Here are some of my favorites... I do have MANY more, but I will limit it to this.

This is Zech, my son, for those of you who haven't seen him in a long time... We had such an experience getting this tux on him. He hated getting measured, so they mismeasured (even when I said that I thought they did and that we needed to get it right!) So when the tux came in, it was double his size... his shirt was SO HUGE (even when I told her NOT to order a small 3 year old a size 5 shirt!). So we had to go back to try it on twice. Each time he screamed and cried and told us he would never wear it! I tried telling him it was a superhero outfit, and that Daddy would be wearing one too... nothing worked. Dave just decided to get him dressed. Just like anyother day, and Zech was fine with that. He said "I don't want to be a superhero!" Daddy said thats fine, just get dressed. So he gets his pants on, his ENORMOUS SHIRT on and then the tie-- "I don't want to be OPA!" (Opa wears ties to preach) (Opa is our name for Grandpa). Dave tells him he doesn't have to "What do you want to be?" Zech says "ZECH IN A TUX!" DUH!

Zech starts homeschool on September 2nd. I thought we had 2 weekends to finish up loose ends, but my parents will be here next weekend, so we have until next thursday. I am so nervous. I don't feel like he needs 2.5 hours of sit down and learn time at 3 years old. And if it weren't for his personality, I wouldn't start at 3. However, he is stubborn when he is forced to do something, so this year's goal is to introduce him to the "school" process, To have a time of structured play (even if its unstructured in a structured atmosphere), and to write his name! hehe! I really want to see him write his name. When I try to teach him in restaurants (on the kids menu) or when he is coloring, or on the computer, he is SO NOT interested! So, I just want to set up the room and make it interesting.

We have cleared a room in the basement, I have the weather wall, the calendar, the ABCs around the room (things I loved about studying elementary ed), I even have a chalk wall... just Zech and Lily's size! he has workbooks, and center activities. I am excited and VERY nervous! We start at 3 because I need the practice of patience and by trial and error learn what will help him learn when school actually counts. I homeschool not just because I am a complete control freak as I tease. I actually feel its my job. Being in the traditional schools means someone else is teaching him more hours a day than i am... and thats just not okay with me. he's too young to be sent out to deal with that. THIS IS MY CHOICE... and I am not knocking anyone else. I just feel like its my job to care for him, to teach him, to protect him.

So, I get a promotion! I am not JUST mommy now, I am a preschool teacher!

I'll post pics of the finished project of his school room! IF I ever get it done!

2008-08-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

NEW ADVENTURES

I sometimes struggle with the talents God has given me. I praise him for the ones that I am aware of. And without sounding braggadocios, I feel confident in my teaching ability, my ability to come up with lessons on a whim, and flow with Children's ministry... hense the reason I went to school to be a teacher. However, there are other things I want to do, I love to do, and I HOPE I've been blessed with the talent, yet I question on every turn.
Living here has been great for me. I will NEVER look back on our stay in Wisconsin and ask "I wonder why God sent us there". I always assume God sends us to where DAVE can minister. He is the pastor, our lives go for that direction. I am fine with that, I wanted that, I signed up for that. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt (FAR BEYOND) that one of the many reasons we moved here was for God to show me some things I CAN do.
I love taking pictures, I love looking at photography, I love capturing the exact essence of the mood with my camera. When Rachel got engaged I was asked to be the wedding photographer. The Ciske family has confidence in me, and in that talent that maybe I don't even realize I have at times. I have wonderful subjects most of the time, so I always think the pictures are gorgeous. But they see something in me that I don't always see in myself. They make me feel like MAYBE maybe I could go into business doing this.
So, its wedding week. I've been online studying technique and poses. I've played with everything about my camera I will EVER understand, and have (not your fault, Rachel) lost sleep over this! I am scared out of my mind. I am nervous to the point I may pee my pants. I am so afraid her day will not be recorded correctly. The day is fast approaching. I have 4 days 18 hours!
And then I am reminded through that wonderful God I serve, of the principle we've been teaching our kids on a daily basis.
Zech says "I can't!" and I remind him (as he quote the verse from memory now!)
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME! -Philippians 4:13
Why worry, when that doesn't make a better photography. I live for God, I love for God, I will work for God. He will take care of the talent, the inspiration, and the confidence. He will make me a better photographer!
Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever (photography) you do, do it all for the glory of God." (photography added :))
So, I will stop. I will pray. I will do it for God's glory!

2008-07-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

The Prayer
For Auntie Rachel's wedding, Dave is singing Celine Dion (well, Beckie sings that part) and Josh Groban's The Prayer (I don't think they are the original singers??)
So he's been practicing since its in Italian and Dave barely knows French after taking it in highschool... let alone picking up Italian in less than 2 months!
Zech thinks its pretty fun to hear Daddy sing jibberish. Zech is like "No big deal, I can sing jibberish!"
So we finally got it on video.
I guess you can't put Youtube videos on here... or I don't know how... so follow the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdjuOzwtf9c
And be sure to watch to the end... thats his best part!

2008-07-25T16:38:00.000-07:00

A Healthy Snack Makes Happy Kids
A while ago when there was not enough cereal to make a complete bowl I started making a special snack for the kids. I'd mix really whatever I was running low on (Dry things only)in a big bowl and serve it as a snack. Now, its about all I make anymore. I specifically look for little treats that can be added to the "Funky Snack" as we now call it .
Recently Zech had a friend over to play and when I served Snack the boy said "What kind of snack is this?" Zech sat up proud and said "My mom made it!" I was very pleased. He explained "Its our funky snack". The boy actually loved it. They compared what they had in their mixture and what they were currently eating.

Ingredients for this particular "FUNKY SNACK"

-Kix
-Life Cereal
-Quaker Oatmeal Bites
-Baby goldfish
-Goldfish pretzels
-Sixlets
-Raisins

And although you can't see it in Zech's bowl (because he eats it first) we can't have the funky snack without popcorn! And they LOVE when I put marshmallows in it (thats the special treat... more than the chocolate sixlets).

I think its kinda fun... They think its delicious, and I don't think they know how healthy it is! I am very pleased at how proud my kids are of it, and how happy it makes them!

2008-07-20T13:33:00.000-07:00

I am married to a 30 year old Man!

My husband has turned 30. Its not really that big of deal to us. It doesn't seem possible that he is already 30, but it hasn't changed much.
I am in awe of my husband. I have been since our meeting, but even now thinking about him being "an older man" (which really, is 30 even "old"?) I can reflect back to when he was in his early twenties. We were getting married with so many dreams, and those dreams still exsist very much.
But he's grown so much as a man, just being a father. He's always been such a great husband to me, but to see him as a daddy to his kids, well lets just say I am amazed!
His immediate patience, soft spoken word, and fatherly embrace is everything I've ever dreamed about in a dad!
This man is amazing to me. He can get so upset, but listens to reason. I hear this isn't always a trait men have. He is "blessed" with a wife that is pretty outspoken, so when things don't seem right, the complaint is too often voiced. And he actually listens and thinks about it. And if it is something that should be changed, he changes... no glances back. If its something that I'm out of line in, he lets me know... thats good in my eyes!
This man is so amazing to me. He gives up sleep, money, food, comfort for the family. There are many times he has to stay up because I just can't keep my eyes open. He goes without so I can have some spending money (even when I don't realize he's gone without), he always gives me what I like even if its what he'd rather eat, and he ALWAYS lets me lay on the couch even if its not always comfortable for him... hehe!
But seriously, I don't just love this man because of all the things he does for ME! I love him for who he is.

I remember when I first met him, there was somethign about his hands. I wanted to hold them right away. I don't know what it was, but he had (and still has) really great hands. There is no doubt they were made for making music!

He is a godly man, A man that seeks his God for all his needs, A man who worships his Master with a beautiful voice and a wonderful character, and a man whose desire is to bring others closer to his Savior because he values the closeness he himself has. He is a man who plays music for an audience of one. He never looks out into the crowd because its only Jesus' face he sees!

I love this man! He is one collage of "wonderfulness"!!!
I wanted to be sure to document this 30th birthday with a page in our yearly scrapbook, so I took some pictures... He sure is handsome too!

2008-07-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

He is a Genius!!!
Tonight was "playdough" night. It was a good way to wind down from a busy day so we sat at the table and played with the kits. Zech found one that hadn't been opened and asked if we could make it... this is what is was supposed to look like.

I am not an artist, and I warn him from the very beginning that I am not great at it but I will "try my best" (a lesson, right?). So I begin my sculpting best... reminding him it may not look identical.

At the same time, he has picked out some colors of his choice and wants to make one too. So I explain what I am doing so he can create along with me...

He is a genius! My mom and Sister are great artists and can mold, paint, draw with ease. Once at some mexican restaurant Zech was given some dough to play with and my mom whipped it into an airplane. Weeks later Zech screamed at my feet because I could not produce such great of an airplane. However, he was so pleased with his artwork tonight... and he should have been!!!

Oh yeah, thats mud his car is driving on. he insisted on having brown tires, brown man, and brown road... when I asked why the ground was brown , he cocked his head and reminded me that cars can drive in mud too!

He is only 3 years old... so this is huge for an artist idiot over here! Here is mine... which actually is my VERY best work... But Zech mimicked all I did, and I think he just did genius work!!!

Here is my request... if your 2 year old can do better... keep it to yourself! Right now, I think my baby is pretty talented,and would like to stay on my cloud nine! The pride he had in his work melted me! I let him stay up until Daddy got home to show him... however, he still wanted mine in the display case...how funny. I am honored!

***Yes, I missed a Birthday blog... I just want it to accompany some pictures I take of him, so Dave's 30th birthday blog is to come! With GREAT pictures, I hope!***

2008-07-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

Scatter-brained

This is just some random thoughts that have been going through this scatter-brained head of mine. I may not act completely scatter-brained, but if only you could hear my thoughts....

This last week I sat in the sound booth at church. it was very important that I pay attention and click the new screens as the worship team sang (for the congregation to see the words on our new PLASMA TVS). I knew that my mind should stay focused, and found myself making my vacation lists, my todo lists, and wondering if Zech had to pee. Seriously... Zech had an entire glass of lemonade before church. I had forgotten to tell the workers that he'd have to go pee. And then I worried they'd send him by himself and he'd come out half naked... something we are working hard on... modesty and privacy. My fingers methodically clicked the right buttons, my mouth sang the words, I feel my spirit worshipped, but my mind was racing with all these things that could have waited until later... Does this ever go away?

Today my mind has been spinning about this new word Zech picked up... MOM! He has decided he'd like to say MOM instead of Mommy. At first I was doing my hair this morning with Lily perched ever so annoyingly at my feet saying her usual "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" with no response to my "what, what, what?" I thought about just letting him call me Mom, I mean, it beats hearing Mommy twelve-hundred times a day, right? But the more he said it the more I got that lump in the bottom of my throat that made me want to cry... loud and hard. So I asked him, " Can you call me Mommy a bit longer?" He said yes, but he'd already formed the habit, so the entire day we had to have the discussion "Please don't call me MOM"! I think people in the stores thought he wasn't mine.

I've also laughed at the things I DIDN'T think about before letting them come out of my mouth today... I won't mention them all, but they are those things that you never thought you'd say... for example...
Don't put Chicken in your Sister's face!
You can't yank her legs!!!
Be gentle with that steering wheel, you might break it!
The list could be longer if this scatter-brain would let me think...
Well, even as I sit here, I have my mental list of things I must get done... this isn't one of them. Sorry if I scattered your brain just by you reading this!

2008-06-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

Should I change my Husband?
My husband is getting his bachelor's in Sociology that focuses on Family Studies. He is getting ready to start his final project that he chose. He decided to do a seminar for Father's and Husbands. He is a little over worked this week, and needs a annotated Bibliography. I asked if I could help... I love to do this kind of stuff. All he needed were books and their information. Six of them. So I did some research for him. I didn't do his assignment. I simply looked for some books for him to look further into. However that is not my point...
As I was looking, I noticed how many book there are out there on how to CHANGE your husband.
Did you marry him? Why change him? I get so frustrated at how much society belittles men.
I have taken some women's history classes and it was hard to handle as we learned about the Women's Lib movement. it was originally established to get equal rights. The right to vote, to own land, to work for comparable wages...etc. Not to knock Men down and trample them. It has really begun to wreck our family structure. Men are told from a very young age that they are not good enough. And we wonder why the absent father is on the rise. They are considered worthless from birth.
I married a great man. He has flaws, so do I. We love each other anyway. Sure we all need to make changes in a marriage, but do we need to marry a man just to change him? I am aware that sometimes people change in a marriage. They can be a great person when you marry them, then throughout time things change. However, who do we think we are to think WE can change them... I mean, I know that a woman can do mighty things, but to change a man's ways? We take too much credit. God can change situations. Prayer can change our mindset. The power of God's word can change the mess we've made. And sometimes it is us that need to change. Our idea of changing the man God gave us may need to change into "How can I treat my husband better."
Well, I give thumbs down to these books...
How to Change Your Husband by A Friend of Medjugorje
Husband-ry 101: How to Train Your Husband to be the Spouse You've Always Wanted Him to Be by Michael H. McCann
However, I have judge them by their titles... but it still brought up some ill feelings within me.
I love my husband... there are things I want changed in my marriage, but I love the man I married. And it takes two, right!?

2008-06-22T05:58:00.000-07:00

PICA--

Definition
Pica is a pattern of eating non-food materials (such as dirt or paper... or lint). This pattern should last at least 1 month to fit the diagnosis of pica.

Well, I guess my daughter has Pica. At first I looked this up just get the information on the word Pica so I could add it to this funny blog... but as I read the article it is a big concern. And maybe I should contact our pediatrician... but not before I share Lily's quirky habit.

When she was sick a few days ago, I laid her in bed with me to sleep. I watched her for 45 min as she pulled lint off her afghan blanket and ATE IT! I've seen her do this for about a year. It used to be that she just pretended to pull things off my shirt and eat them while I rocked her to sleep (as early as 5 months old). That is when I knew she was almost asleep and it was my cue to lay her down (not fully asleep of course!). I figured it was just that she had learned a task and was practicing its motions (like eating cheerios). It has has since developed into eating the lint on her blanky. We see it wrapped around her paci in the morning. She does it only when she is falling asleep or is in those first stages of sleep.
As I watched her for that 45 minutes I was amazed at how she would search with her hands for the right amount of lint, then yank it off, remove her paci and shove it in. She continued until she fell completely asleep.
WHO DOES THIS? We think its so funny. However, as I looked it up it is very common among children to eat non food items (not just put them in their mouths, but to pick a specific substance and eat it... Like Lint) However, the reasons are a lack of nutrition in some area... well, what does lint substitute? Fiber maybe... hehe... And there are serious complications like lead poisoning for those who eat paint chips (isn't their mother watching them??) or other harmful substances... but for other things a hard mass can form in the stomach... So maybe I should ask the doctor... I mean lint over a year's span may have begun to form a whole new afghan in there... I'd hate to see the colors of that one!

2008-06-19T17:44:00.000-07:00

My baby girl---
She is sick. It really bothers me when my babies are sick. Its like this lump sits in my throat and I could cry at any moment. Lils is just as limp as a noddle. She has given me quite a scare this time. She always runs high fevers, so I should be used to this. However, she is just SO lethargic and pitiful. I took her to the doctor's today, and I am not sure if I was uneasy because we didn't see her original doctor (and seriously, she has an amazing doctor who always puts me at ease!) or if I was being prompted to pray harder. I just didn't have a good feeling even as I took her. As the doctor was leaving Lily jerked as if she was startled, but she didn't stop shaking. I looked at the doctor and cried out "WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?" I was convinced she was having a seizure. The doc said she didn't notice anything, but then put her hand on her and could feel her shaking inside. She quickly called out for the nurse to bring a thermometer and some Tylenol into the room. Then she checked her pupils and her heart and informed me she had not had a seizure. She said her eyes did not roll back in her head and that her pupils did not dilate. the doctor's urgency scared me just as much. I actually started crying in the office. It scared me so bad!
I really hate when my kids are sick. Its a huge step of faith for me. It hard to put them to bed. I want to hold them and watch their every move. I notice how much I have to put my faith to practice. I believe God cares more than I do, and he knows the final outcome. He knows how and when she will get better. I find solace in that. But its scary all the same... So, Lord, can you heal her quickly!?

2008-06-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

My Kids

My kids amaze me sometimes. I mean they seem so different than me and Dave at times then so much like us at others. I haven't really blogged much about them lately... and since I don't really keep up with their journals anymore, I thought I'd record their personalities, and how odd they are... well, not odd as in WEIRD (although they are at times) but odd in a sense that they are very unique.

Zech can be such an obedient boy, yet still throws the same fits he threw the day he was born! He came out screaming so hard he lost his voice... when he didn't get what he wanted right when he wanted it, it was a lost cause. Although I want to think he's getting better, he sure does put up a fuss once in a while. Yet he can be the most obedient by doing everything I ask of him. He may cry while doing it, but he does it. I often times look at moms who seem to have everything together and think they are just better moms than me. Then I realize they do not have my children and all their intensities...

Lily is starting her fits as well, however a quick hug and cuddle cures her. I try not to give such positive reinforcement for that kind of behavior, but it does calm her instantly. Every hurt, fight, or discomfort can be cured just by sitting on my lap. I love that about her. There are times when I feel like I just have nothing left to give, she has taken so much from me that day... but then there are days I feel like I'm missing out if she's not in my lap. It is my blessing and curse. I remember saying to Dave when Zech was born that I hoped the next baby was a cuddler... I got what I wished for. And for the most part I really wouldn't trade it for the world.

Zech hates to clean... he's like his dad. He will do it, and understands that its his responsibility (as I tell him each time he cleans his room before bed), he still screams and cries the entire time. Dave may not scream and cry OUT LOUD, but he has the same feelings inside when I ask him to clean before bed too.
Lily loves to organize. If I tell her to pick up her dishes, she gets right to it. She places the plates on top of each other ever so nicely and stacks them inside the basket. She stands back and admires her clean room... just like Mommy!

Zech is boy of all boy (as seen in the baseball post). And is a whiz at the computer. He can have a ton of energy and run and play all day long with no break, and then again he can sit on a lawn chair with me and chat it up. I absolutely LOVE converstions with him. They are just the highlight of my day. I like that he has a shorter rest time as Lily so I get that hour just to chat, lounge, and cuddle with my boy (who has MANLY TOES).

Lily is girl of all girl... WAY girlier than me! She falls all over herself to get to the bathroom when I hollar for her to come get your hair done!. She watches me as I put piggies in her hair, or ponies. When we are done she smiles her best smile and nods her head in admiration. She says "Oh, HAIR!" She loves every baby doll equally, and is sure to share her snack with them. I love getting her up in the morning and hugging her tight, she is my baby girl (who has pretty toes!!!)

They both love to be outside... something I really don't remember liking. However, I am begining to love it more and more each day we are out. To sit and tan a bit while reading or listening to music is a nice treat to me.

I just look at them and think of how much I've changed. How much just in the last 3 years 3months. I praise God for giving me patience. I look back on the fits and the stress of having the two strong willed kiddos so close in age and think... I really want another! Some days I stop and think, I dont think I'll make it... but I always do. So I know that God has built a new character in me. A more compassionate, patient, loving character. And boy do I love them, so I love these new traits.

To try to keep this blog short enough to read in one sitting, I will have to end... not to mention I am half way to tears thinking of how much a blessing they are to me. I remember trying to get pregnant with Zech and month after month would go by with no pregnancy. I would think to myself... I'll be a good mom. It comes naturally to me, so why aren't I getting pregnant?" then when Zech hit about 10 months (thats when the big fits started) thinking, what was I thinking, I can't do this! This parenting thing is SO different than my peachy keen imagination, but I really think God has given me some really unique kids... and I'll take their negatives just the same. Their personalities are so much more than their miscomings... and I can easily overlook that when they sit and cuddle with me like this...

You know those were special... I hate pictures of me... but check this priceless one of Zech (below)

2008-06-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

I want S'MORE!

For Father's Day, Dave got a fire pit. We had decided ahead of time that we'd get patio furniture and a fire pit with our stimulus package money... as mother's/father's day. So, that's what he got.

I put it together for him and we fired it up! Ahh, the memories. The smells of bug spray, the sound of crackling twigs in the fire, and the feeling of family & friends and good conversation. Oh and the taste of SMORES!!!

Zech was amazed at the fire, but was very cautious as he threw sticks in. And he LOVED roasting marshmallows, however eating them roasted was NOT his thing... he just ate them raw!

Lily would eat them either way... even the nasty burnt parts (YUCK!). I liked how Brooklyn cooked hers, just enough to be melty and a nice tan...

And then there's Arianna's way...I am convinced she just wanted to set things on fire... OH SO NASTY!

It was just so fun! As exhausted as I was, I still went to bed happy! and dreamed happy thoughts about yummy smores!

Can't wait for more fun times!

2008-06-01T15:44:00.000-07:00

Boy O Boy!

A Few weeks ago I went searching for the perfect baseball set for Zech. I had to, I had no other choice. He brought me a ball from his former ball pit and wanted me to pitch to him as he hit with a small orange marker. It was the best he could do... and he actually hit a few!
So he has now graduated to a REAL bat and a very REAL foam ball. He is obsessed. There are very few times during the day that someone is not pitching to him as he hits. He has gotten pretty good. He even lets you hit if you want.
Today, was hot, so he napped in just undies... sorry for the pics... it was just too cute. Oh, and your not a real ball player if you don't wear a baseball cap!

Yep, he's a lefty... he's tried it as a righty, and can hit pretty well, but he says he is more comfortable batting lefty! Dave's pretty excited!
He thought it was pretty funny to get his picture taken and could barely focus!
He hits 7 out of 10 (good) pitches. And Mommy MUST say "Great Hit" or "WOW, what a wonderful hit" If EVER I am not paying 100% attention to him ( I know, what kind of mom am I, I actually take my eyes off him) He makes sure to come over to tell me to say "Nice Hit!" or even "Good swing!"
And you must see the pitcher that pitches to a boy with an amazing .700 batting average!
Thats the posture and chair for the perfect pitch... hey, if you had to play baseball 4-6 hours a day, you'd want to be comfy too.

2008-05-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

Lessons learned from a Cemetary

We did some weird things today. We took a tour of a cemetary. Not really a TOUR! we noticed some cool trees for pictures, and ventured in. I can't help but notice the tombstones,the names, and the dates. I feel a sermon coming on... bear with me!

So I learn a few things from these three things. Life is WAY more than the what they can put on a mere tomb stone. The stones mark the life of the person "resting" (as I tried to explain to Zech) in that spot. But does it actually tell how a person lived. I can look at the tomb stone and only know 2 things about that person. Their name, and their age. I can't tell where they are spending eternity. I can't tell if they were actually a beloved mother or father or if their children only placed it on their headstone to ease their own hurts. I learn that if I want to be known past my tiny inscription on a stone I must LIVE! I must show my life and who I live it for while I am alive, and pray that those God touches by it will see those 2 little things and fill in the blanks. Maybe they'll say I mothered knowing these precious kids do not belong to me. Maybe they will say that I could witness even when my speach was gone. Maybe they could tell of how much I loved my husband and children. They will only say it if I LIVE it.
The names on the stones are in bold. They are there to represent that family line. Many stones in a row bore the same bold name. When people walk among a cemetary and see CISKE, I pray it bears a sense of pride! The Ciske name is what God has changed me into! I've carried a name that meant nothing to me. It wasn't my mother's name, it was not the name of the man I called Dad (even my biological dad wasn't a REED!). But by the grace of God, he allowed me to gain a new name. The name he choose for me CISKE! A name that I want to cherish as a strong name. I learn that there is pride in a name. I learn that I must teach my kids the pride ( a godly pride) that comes with being a CISKE. That we continue to keep a Ciske legacy of Christ following believers. I learned that its something I must act each day. I bear the name, and I make it mean something when people see it on a stone someday.
And thirdly, I learn that people die. There's birth, and then there's another date... they die (I know, maybe I should have known this before!). We don't get to be here forever. Although I did see many that lived long lives. Many that outlived their husbands by 30+ years. But no matter what, if a body lies there, someone has died. I will die. Once that happens, my LIFE is over. (This is deep, huh?) So to live Life, I only have this time. To tell others about LIFE, I must live it now! Christ has given it. "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." ) John 10:10. or Life more abundantly! We die, we must live. I pray that I live for my kids. Not a life, but a LIFE after God. Not just any tombstone, one that shows I lived, not just any name, one that proves LIFE from Christ abundant, and not just any life, but a life living for God. Parenting for God, loving for God, passion for God... LIVING for God!
Heaven awaits! But we are not there yet... I must keep living!
So, I lived with my children today, noticing the life they are just beginning. The tombstones are not being written for them yet, their name is just becoming important to them, and their life is just so fun... so full!

Smile much! (even if its a bit fake)

Laugh often!

Find Beauty (even if it is just a weed)

Let your hair blow in the wind!

And as much as you can... Show compassion!

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

2008-05-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

The ups and Downs of Motherhood

I woke up this morning (well, actually knew before I went to bed last night) that today could be a trying day. I don't feel good. Ihad to sleep sitting up last night, and I knew I'd be stuck in the house all day. I don't know why I let myself feel closed in just because I know I am not going anywhere all day, but it happens. Dave will be home late, and I started the day off tired and sick.

The kids were fine. I cleaned the house and took them outside. I did my devotions out there, interrupted with the occasional hoarsed voiced yell "LILY GET BACK ON THE GRASS!" or "ZECH WATCH THAT STICK!" Then for some reason the Ciske kids' listening ears were turned off. Lily wouldn't come back up, Zech was having a fit over his bike. Lily wanted cookies, Zech didn't think she should have them. I had to actually give time outs outside! ON MY MOTHER'S DAY GIFT!!!

So Zech got sent inside while lily finished up her snack. When we came in Zech was just abnormally aggrivated. i tried to keep my cool and let him know that bed time was coming soon. As I fixed lunch hoping they'd worn themselves out outside and would go down for nap an hour early, Zech says "Okay! I will be strong in the Lord and the Power of His might! I will be good for the rest of the day!" Then he recited it again. "Be strong in the Lord and the power of his might! Ephesians 6:10"

Our memory verse from a few weeks ago! It change the outlook of the whole day! and sure gave me a mommy boost! Not only did he memorize it, he applied it! Now for me and my sick self! I, too, will be strong in the lord and the power of his might!

2008-04-25T10:17:00.000-07:00

The kids and I were wrestling around when Lily (in jibberish I am certain) says "boobies"

Zech: You don't have boobies, Lily!

Mommy, why doesn't Lily have boobies?

Mommy: Lily is just a baby girl so she doesn't have boobies. But we don't talk about boobies, Zech.

Zech: Oh, okay (Face red and head down in embarrassment) I have to go to bed now. Goodnight! (nap time is still 45 min away!)

2008-04-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

Dog Days of... spring?

I won't dare say anything negative about the wonderful spring weather. I think we've only come in long enough to sleep!

I just feel like I have so much more energy when we can get out and run. I turn into a mom who used to clean all day to a mom who runs all day (and has less time to clean... oops)! I love watching the kids have fun! It makes my day seem shorter which isn't always a good thing, and causes me to sleep better at night. I go to bed knowing they had a blast all day long. The last 36 hours I think the kids thought play time never ended! And secretly I pray they close their eyes before a LONG night of rest thinking... "Man, I have great parents!!!"

Last night we tried a new park. They fell in love with the tire swing!

Lily fell off once... but held on for dear life and Momma got to her fast! We then went and bought a Bird Feeder. We can hear them chirping (I LOVE IT). and Zech thought it'd be nice to eat breakfast with the birds. I was proud at such a fun idea from my 3 year old. While at Walmart, He had another very fun idea! A KITE!

So of course I had to add a buck to the bill and get him one. He woke up ready to fly it this morning. Unfortunately, there was just no wind. I don't think he even understood that you needed wind to fly a kite. He's inventive... he can make his own wind.

I was definately a great mom today... I let them go ahead and get in sand box... and they never got out (I really HATE sand!)

But I really love them!

We came home to wash up, eat lunch, then jump in the tub really quick. I thought this would help them wind down for nap. It helped me! hehe!

Then, I was rewarded for such a crazy day! I got an early Mother's Day present! it came in this box...

Oh yeah, did I mention that Lily is addicted to dresses? She really wants to wear one every minute of every day! Where she got her prissy ways, I am not sure! But if its not hurting anyone, I am not going to fight her. Its a bit big... but Oh, SO CUTE!But does it matter what she wears? She's just too cute anyway! Oh yeah, I bet you want to know my early Mother's Day gift? It comes with Chairs... with Pillows? It's comfy, but I wouldn't use it quite in the same way.

Its not just the furniture, its the prospect of being outside ALL THE TIME! That is the real gift! Outdoor activities.

Reading, chatting, lounging, Family dinners...

Which was the first thought in Zech's mind. Even though it was already after dinner and about 20 min until bedtime, he insisted on having peanut butter and jelly! They thought it was very fun! I am sure the neighbors wanted to run out to let us know there was no need for an unbrella, the sun had gone down... I am thinking the kids didn't care. The unbrella is their favorite part!

Bring on the "Dog days of Spring!" we are ready! I can't wait to be out again tomorrow!!!

2008-04-14T11:54:00.000-07:00

Multi-Tasking?

I guess you can stand proudly and say you might be a supermom if you can drive 2 toddlers on a 6+ hour road trip while

Cleaning up puke
pouring pedialyte in sippy cups
feeling forheads for fevers
handing back snacks from the BRAT diet while timing how long it takes them to puke it up.
changing DVDs in the DVD player, then changing it again becuase you put the wrong one in (according to a 3 year old)
reading directions as to get on the right interstate/calling to see if you've got yourself lost
handing wet wipes back to clean hands and whatever else
searching for the right toy to calm a sick 16 month old only to have to reach back around and re-search when they've dropped it out of frustration!
Refilling pedialyte cups
agreeing to more BRAT snacks (since they didn't puke up the first ones)
tucking them in for their naps
untucking them when it got too hot
and still making it home in record time!

I don't usually feel like super mom, but after a trip like that, I can proclaim it loud enough for all the REAL supermoms to hear!

2008-04-07T13:38:00.001-07:00

Just some funny things

My kids are just so funny, and sometimes I don't make the time to jot them down. So here are a few comical moments...

Giving Zech a haircut and I say "WOW, you look like Buzz Lightyear!"
He looks at me in disgust... "I am NOT buzz lightyear!"
"Oh, of course, you look just like Batman!"
He looks straight at me in the mirror and says "Mommy, I am ZECH! Not Batman or Buzz! I am ZECH!"

During that same haircut something went wrong and Iaccidently cut his ear witht he scissors.
"Put those Sicssors away! You cut my ear! Put them down, NOW!"
I felt so bad I had to comply!

We take the kids to the park. Dave is swinging Zech without looking at his terrified face. Finally Zech politely tells his daddy, "I'm done swinging now." And gets down walking away saying "That was REALLY scary!" Poor guy!

Lily (who is struggling through her learning to speak) runs into the Living room from the kitchen and says "ABAAA! ABAAA" and points frantically in the kitchen! I can tell she is trying to speak, but I can not for the life of me figure out her new words. Finally she throws her hands in the air and does her fake spider scream "AHHHHHH!" when it struck me, she's saying "A BUG!" so she leads me to the box elder bug she has found in the kitchen. With much tomboy delight we capture it and put it in our bug container... don't worry we let it go OUTSIDE! Bugs do not belong inside. At which time both kids wave good-bye and lily says "wuv vue"* to her beloved bug!

*LOVE YOU (duh!)

2008-03-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

What if...

I've had this blog in my mind for quite a long time, so I finally get the chance, I think I'll record it!

As wife, mother, children's director, friend, daughter, sister, and WOMAN, I think its only natural that we think "What if..." Its a daily thing for me.

What if Zech's 12 and is still asking for his pacifier? What if Lily never speaks? What if my husband thinks I am a slob who has given up on the house? What if parents think I am not teaching their kids enough on Sunday mornings? what if I don't confront a friend? What if I do? What if my mother never calls me again? What if I had a better relationship with my sister? What if I totally screwed up as a woman today?

The what if list can go on forever. I ask them all the time.

They can come in the shallow forms. What if I had just two extra arms. Could I get more done? Could I give more hugs, could I carry groceries and backpacks, and diaper bags, and kids? What if I had stretching arms. Could I spank without having to even get off the couch? What if I could do one step and it equal 4? I could definately use that!

They come in normal thoughts. What if I save and don't overspend this month, will we have enough money for extra photo equipment? What if we just eat turkey burgers everyday this week, that saves in grocery bills. What if I put these shoes with that skirt, will my ankles look skinnier?

Then there are those deep what ifs that seem to really bombard my mind.What if homeschooling wears me out, or what if it energizes me. What if I didn't give enough hugs during the day. I ponder if the kids will get saved young and seriously pursue God for the rest of eternity... What if? What if they become the new generation of complete sold out believers? and then again... what if they don't? What if I can really teach them what it means to seek God and all the great and wonderful things that come out of it, and they reinforce it with their siblings... and then the dreaded... What if they don't? What if the things of the world appeal to them regardless of how I raise them? What if Mommy's words don't stick in their heads when the time comes and they have to make their own decisions? What if... What if...

What if I pray? What if I give these worries to God? What if He actually listens and is already taking care of the answers RIGHT NOW! What if He is true, and His word is Hope, and His everlasting love and investment in our lives is REAL?

What if I accept that when I raise my children in the way they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it.

Well, I have to come to the conclusion that if I did all those things, there'd be way less things to wonder "what if..." about.

What if I actually believe and act? HMMM lets see?

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

2008-03-04T20:17:00.000-08:00

My Baby Boy

When I found out I was pregnant with Zech it may have been the greatest day of my life up to that point. My wedding day was TERRIFIC, but it was a guarentee! I knew it would happen, I knew it would be great. But getting pregnant didn't happen right away, so seeing that VERY faint line on the test was the greatest moment... up to that point!
The day they told me that they were going to schedule the C-Section for March 4th, I loved the date... 03-04-05 It was going to be unique, something I knew he'd be! That day came, I woke up SO early. We had to be at the hospital by 7am. I couldn't wait. We arrived at the hospital, and I got really nervous. I didn't know what to expect with the surgery, and I was so scared for his health. I didn't have a voice, but had I been able to speak, I was completely speechless. Everything that could go wrong ran through my mind. I began singing "Put your trust in God" over and over in my head. I shook so bad they could barely get the spinal in place in order to start the process. When Dave finally walked in the OR, I asked him to sing to me. He held my hand and watched the proceedure. Then I asked "Have they started yet" and not even 5 seconds later they shouted, "There he is..." They showed me this huge purple-y smushy baby... for about 3 seconds. It broke my heart to see him such a short time. My mind did not have enough time to process what he looked like. I looked at Dave and told him to go with him. I laid there praying, saying "Keep crying, Baby!" The doctor announced how large he was and how happy she was with the decision to go ahead with the c-section. The nurses spoke with glee about this baby boy that I barely got to see.
Soon Dave walked over with my baby Zech in his hands. The best moment in my life!
He was SO chunky! but looked so small in Dave's arms. I couldn't wait to unwrap him and look him all over. I wanted to kiss every toe, and see his hair. I knew the first 5 seconds of staring at him I would never forget what he looked like! He was an angel!
That very first day he screamed so hard I looked at him and thought, "What could be so horrible!" he was a determined baby. When the breast milk wasn't available at the touch of his lips, he wanted to let us know how upset he was about it. He screamed and screamed and SCREAMED...
3 years later that same personality, though subdued a bit, is SO evident. He is strong willed, He wants what he wants right away... but he is just about the sweetest, funniest, smartest boy I've ever had the honor to know! And he's mine!
He may get 9-15 time outs a week, but he gives 20-25 hugs and kisses a day!
He may tackle his sister over a match box car, but he lovingly kisses her forehead for no reason at all. He may want what he wants RIGHT NOW... but he learns things before I get the chance to teach it!
He is so smart, such a quick learner. He loves order, and is a great organizer. Once he finds out that there are easier ways to do things, he is quick to give up the bad habits.
He's such a great and wonderful, terrific and awesome super cool kid! His 3 year old body sitting in my lap melts my heart. He has captured my affections and will have a very endearing hold on my heart for the rest of my life. I see him growing into a wonderful, God loving child, who loves to sing God's praises, and looks forward to his time in church. I look into the future and see a young man that serves God with a strong will, God's! I see him going after what God has laid out for him with great passion! And I continue to pray that he will hate what is evil and cling to what is good! My Zech! I love you, buddy! You are such a joy to me!

Zechariah David 03-04-05

10:11am

9lbs 5 oz

Zechariah David (and that famous Smile)

03-04-08

32 lbs!

There WAS a slide show here, but its acting silly !!!

2008-02-24T18:37:00.000-08:00

Cinderella

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays
without a care in the world
and I'm sitting here wearing
the weight of the world on my sholders

Its been a long day and there's still work to do
she's pulling at me saying, "Dad I need you
There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited
and I need to practice my dancing, oh please, daddy, please"

So I will dance with Cinderella while she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella, I don't want to miss even one song
Cause all too soon, the clock will strike midnight and she will be gone
she will be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
she says "Dad the prom is just one week away
and I need to practice my dancing, oh please, Daddy, please"

So I will dance with Cinderella while she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella, I don't want to miss even one song
Cause all too soon, the clock will strike midnight and she will be gone
she will be gone

But she came home today with a ring on her hand
just glowing and telling us all they had planned
she says "Dad the wedding is still six months away
and I need to practice my dancing, oh please Daddy please

So I will dance with Cinderella while she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella, I don't want to miss even one song
Cause all too soon, the clock will strike midnight and she will be gone
she will be gone
Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman
Can be heard here... http://www.myspace.com/stevencurtischapman

I have a bajillion things to comment about this song... but I will keep it short...

It has always been my dream to be a daddy's little girl. I think I would have played the role well. God blessed me with His fatherly ways with me, and gave me a wonderful husband that can fill that void to a point. So although that dream will never COMPLETELY come true, I see it in the future of my daughter. I see how she looks at him and melts into his arms with such comfort.
I can see her desire to be in the cinderella dress already, and a dancer she is becoming. So this song seems fitting to sum up the relationship I see in them. A daddy and his baby girl.
It makes me cry! What a blessing. What a sight!
Theres only a few changes I see my daughter's daddy making... No prom... he he, and no letting go! Midnight will never come!
And her daddy will never miss a song. What a great Daddy!

2008-01-26T22:02:00.000-08:00

Winter Wonderland

Okay, so I hate the snow. I only like it when it snows and then melts again the next day! Thats it. I am not a fan of it staying for an entire season. However, it is a creation of God... along with these beauties...

2008-01-16T10:56:00.000-08:00

Life is Good

Lately life has been pretty good. Not that its not always good, but things seem different. The kids are being really well behaved, we are getting things done (the house has stayed clean for 10 days straight!) I feel like I have extra energy... things are good.
I've been really disciplined in my morning devotions. It started that I got up early to watch this little girl. While I waited for her to arrive I sat and did my devotions. Before that I was disorganized with them. I would get them done, but many times they were rushed or done everyday at different times. Now, every morning before the kids get up. The girl no longer comes, but the blessings from God do! I really think that being organized in my devotional walk makes a difference in me.
I don't get as frustrated as easily at the craziness of the kids. They seem to be in better moods the more organized things get. We are playing great games, and Zech is singing his worship songs all the time. He cracks me up with his own renditions of our cute little kids church worship.
J-E-S-U-S He's my Lord and King!
Sing hallelujah, shout Amen!
The lord your God will be with you... wherever you go!
SO CUTE!!!
I am trying to get a video made soon!
I don't have much to say, but some pics to share... aren't they cute? How can't life be good!?

2008-01-02T18:06:00.000-08:00

We have something wonderful, he and I... a rare and beautiful love that is really unique. I know we're not the first ones to feel this way, but something special sets us apart. We relate to each other so completely... as friends, lovers, confidants... and we share such beautiful memories... like those first carefully chosen words and the first time we shared our deepest hopes and dreams. The time we spend together is the most important part of my day-- Moments when our love enriches all that we share, moments that I'm so grateful for all that he alone brings to my world. I know that ours is a rare and beautiful love, the kind that only happens once in a lifetime, and the most important person in my life is him.

(its a given that Christ is the most important person in my life... Dave is also highly revered)

This was a card I got Dave for our anniversary. It is 100% true! He is a once in a lifetime love. One that I can not imagine living one day without! We went to see P.S. I Love You last night. The husband dies and before he passes away (while he was still sick) he orchastrated these series of gifts, letters, and trips to be given to his wife up to a year after he died. I could not handle the thought of losing my husband. Even if he was the hopeless romantic that would do all those things even when he was dieing (which, he's not!). I thought I would have to leave the theater I was about to break out in a sob.

Then at the pediatricians office today I hear that the doctor who Lily is being referred to for her ears is scaling back on her patients because her husband has just died. I felt sick to my stomach. the thought makes me sob!

I've always thought we had what most couples don't. Our connection and inner understanding of one another makes us a power couple. I am so proud of us and our relationship especially when I talk to other women and they state how envious they are of what we have. First of all its because of God. He strategically placed us together using our strengths to attract us to each other and using our personal weaknesses to make us realize we needed each other.

2nd of all its because our our prayer for one another. Keeping our relationship in prayer and under God's authority keeps us strong.

3rd of all its Dave and his committment. He works so hard to fix the wrongs and keep right all the thrills. He commits to a good marriage and he sticks to it. I could never find another perfect mate.

I blog this in my motherhood blog because having a good marriage makes us good parents. Loving my husband like I do, and knowing he loves me like he does makes Lily a great wife and Zech a great husband. They learn love, a godly love, by our wonderful marriage!

I love it!

2008-01-01T07:45:00.000-08:00

7 Years Ago

7 years ago today, I was heading to my hairdressers with so much excitement and anticipation! Not because I was going to get my hair done "Just perfect" but because I was 8 hours from becoming a WIFE!
I woke up that morning from a nightmare that they had played "Who let the dogs out" as I walked down the isle. Then I jumped up and began going over my checklist.

Make the boutonnieres

Make the bouquets

get My hair done

pick up the Subway sandwiches

Get my dress on

Get Married

It was the perfect part of my fairy tale! The end to much planning, the beginning of a life I could never even imagine would be so awesome! I walked down that isle with the biggest smile I've ever had. I was very happy and overwhelmed having my children, but there was just as much worry and concern at their births. The wedding day however had no concerns, no worries, no reservations. I knew he was the perfect man. The most wonderful husband for me!

That first year we loved every minute of being together. I remember thinking it was like a never ending sleepover (WITH A BOY!) We'd stay up late, and wake up together with such anticipation of what would happen next. Everyone had told us that the 1st year would be horrible. We set out to prove them wrong... and we succeeded with flying colors. We managed our home together, combined our schedules, and was on a track of wedded bliss.

That second year we moved to St. Louis. The month of April was the worst month of our lives. We had gone through a major decision process together with no problems, but once we got there we couldn't figure out how to adjust to our new roles in full time ministry. God quickly helped us through and we grew in leaps and bounds not only in God but in our marriage as well.

Our third year we decided to have a baby. It took the entire year! I never questioned that Dave was the one I should marry, but I was so worried we would never share a child together.

Our fourth year, we became parents! What a great adventure! That year was very rough on us ministry wise. It was great to have a family to ease us through the other very difficult time!

Our fifth year was spent very far from any of our friends and family. We had to solely rely on each other. We'd already built such a great foundation of communication that it came very easy for us. We truly were the best of friends. Not that we became best friends that year, we had always been, but we really realized how great that friendship was!

Our 6th year we added Lily to our crew! And moved again, and went into a totally new lifestyle. It was very comfortable. And we began to realize that we were getting TOO comfortable even in our marriage. We began to add things to make sure we weren't simply co-existing, but were continuing to grow as a couple. It started to begin towards the end of this year...

NOW, our 7th year! Oh, I can just see how it will flourish! We've NEVER had a bad marriage. We've always had very great communication. We've always had very much fun! But we want to spice things up this year! More dates, more one on one time, even if its here at home. We want to be closer than ever before! I look forward to every day of it!

I married the man of my dreams. Everyday something happens that reminds me of the perfect match we make! He is my best friend, my comforter, and advice giver. He is the best daddy, and all my friends envy me because of him. (I really like that!)

I've lived the dream for 7 years! And it doesn't look like I'll be waking up anytime soon!

Happy Anniversary, Baby!

2007-12-29T11:00:00.000-08:00

Dave recently got to "Jam" with some old friends of his. Although Dave did not play or use his musical talents when in High School, he was able to play with some guys that did play in his youth group 10 years or more ago. All of which are currently serving in a church as pastors.
Both Dave and I grew up in a very powerful youth group. Many of our fellow youth group members went on to serving in full time ministry.

Here are some of Dave's buddies that have followed God's calling into church ministry--

These men were in our wedding 7 years ago. All have wives and babies of their own.

Its comforting to get to sit down with them and share ministry blessings and frustrations. Its great to know we are not all alone in this vast calling!

We had the priveledge to sit down at lunch with one of these couples and catch up. They had such disturbing news. Another buddy of ours (he did not grow up with Dave, we met him at North Central) has fallen badly. He took a position that was perfect for his lack of experience and worked very hard. His youth ministry grew from 20 to over 200 in a quick fashion. I remember hearing about what this power team was doing to get the youth ministry to grow. I'd see them at youth convention year after year bringing more and more kids. I couldn't help but be a bit envious (isn't that rediculous?). However, all that time this up and rising youth pastor was physically and mentally abusing his wife. He was addicted to pornography. He began drinking excessively at the height of his ministry. Eventually, his wife kicked him out, for the safety of herself and her children. He moved quickly to date a very young lady (one who had sat under his ministry and was a family friend). She is now carrying another child of his. And his marriage is officially over.

I am in shock. I never really sat down and talked to this couple. Dave knew them pretty well, but I saw what they did in ministry and almost coveted it. It has really brought me back to reality... God wants to use us, but he doesn't need to! He wanted that youth ministry to grow... and probably wanted to teach the youth pastor something in the process. But when the minister wouldn't listen, God's plan still prevailed for those kids! He doesn't need us! Its our honor to serve him and be used by him. I am in awe of how easily and how quickly (less than 5 years) this family has been torn apart from this man's sins. And his lack of love for his God. I am at awe that this young man got to see miracles, and got to see all the wonderful things God did in spite of his unwillingness to comply to God in his personal life-- yet still he has not turned back to God. He has shown up drunk to his previous youth group, has disrespected, and led his wife away from God. I am appauled. I am sad! I am shocked. I am put in my place! God doesn't need me... he wants me!

I need to begin to pray for my "contemporaries". Pray for their focus on God to remain strong. I need to not look at how well the ministry is going for them, and look deep into their life's (through relationships) and keep them encouraged. I know that this guy's wife never expected this when she went to North Central and met a young pastor in training! I've heard "It can happen to anyone" But I refuse to listen. It won't happen to those that never stray away, to those who dig deeper each day into God's word, to those who keep in honest communication with their savior. It won't happen to those who work hard to stay deeply madly passionately in love with their savior! And with God's help, it won't happen to us!

2007-12-29T09:46:00.000-08:00

It stood up to all the hype!

Christmas was amazing. I really was so excited I was afraid I'd be let down (thoughts that should be taken captive). I woke up at 6:15 and Dave tells me to go back to bed and let the kids wake us up. I couldn't go back! So finally at 7, I went in and woke them! Great mom, huh?

We ran into the living room and Zech started sorting through them. He opened his Mr. Potato head first... he was so excited he was finished! Lily just tore through hers, didn't really care much about anything that she opened. She did really enjoy pushing her stroller around. That made her very happy. When she saw that she also got some bells, she was getting into the excitement!

Zech opened the computer, and then finally the planet hero! He was priceless! SO happy! We took it out as soon as possible and allowed him to play. "WHOA-OOOO Planet heros... jibber ganna save the day!" It was so great!

Then we went to Opa and Oma's house. He got the coolest movies (his favorite Toy Story... both of em!) and some shake and crash cars... oh my! Lily likes her electronic games too.

I had to go out and buy some totes just to store it all.

The week was just wonderful. Having Beckie and her new family here and sharing in Rachel's engagement. It was definately a Christmas to remember! I can't wait to scrap the page!

here's a pretty long slideshow... it was a long week!

And what a blessing of one as well!

2007-12-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

Just one more Sleep!!!

Well, I guess I must sleep tonight, so thats 2 more sleeps UNTIL CHRISTMAS MORNING!
I really thought christmas morning and all the wonderful things that happen that morning was supposed to be more fun for the kids... I don't think so! As a mommy, it is DEFINATELY true, it is better to give than to receive! I am just overjoyed... and a bit over excited! I really don't even remember everything I got the kids. It's not a ton, but very fun things. I think I bought the toys when we had money, then the money ran out so the other things (like undershirts, socks, shoes, clothes) were not bought. So although I want to watch the materialism that happens at Christmas, and the notion that the kids need more toys, I think all that they will be opening is toys toys toys! And for Zech, they are really great toys! He is going to be SO excited! I just CAN NOT WAIT! I am getting into my crazy, I can't sleep mode! Its bad. I will be a zombie by Christmas night!
But who cares, thats part of the fun... I do some silly things when I get REALLY tired!
oh and did I mention I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS MORNING!

2007-12-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

MOMMY!!!

There are many different ways to say "Mommy". There's the sweet gentle way they say it when they want to get out of bed in the morning. There's the distressed call of "MOMMMMMMY" in a panicy voice. There's the over and over and over... and over "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy..." I could go on! There's the Zech's "Mommy, Whatcha doin'" (which even though he says WAY too much, its still VERY cute! There's the first words "ma ma". and the not so pleasant grunting/mad/angry at the world "MOMMY!" Its not always the best name to be called. But, thats who I am. I am the one that helps them out of bed, the one that calms the storms (little baby storms), the annoyed one that has drowned out the repeating saying of my name. I am the busy one, the one in that new baby's gaze, and even the one they get mad at... and mine are all under 3.
Before I had babies, I was Stevie, or Sweetie, or Babe. I was Mrs. Ciske, Miss Stevie, or Hey You! Now, my only name is Mommy. I am sure people call me by other names, but the name of Mommy somehow is said a gazillion more times, a trillion times louder, and carried a ton more weight.
I used to pretend I had tons of babies. I never played "day care". I played "MOMMY". I loved the name. I couldn't wait to get older so that I could be one. It was my one desire. My only care about adulthood. I wanted to be married and be that man's Baby Mommy!
When Zech came, it took him forever to say it. I waited and waited. I am pretty sure he was like 18 months old before he said it. I melted. It was the prettiest name I'd ever heard. Then #2 came and it was her first word. now, its said at least 1 million times a day.
When naming my own children I made sure the names had such great meaning. Names that carried along with them blessings and direction. There is a lot in a name.
So praise God, My name is Mommy! I am just so blessed and so grateful for the title.
I love it when I am kissing Zech's face and in between gasps for breath and giggles he says "mommy!". I love it when Lily is looking for me saying "mama! Mama!" I love it when Zech says "Mommy, are you okay, are you hurt, are you sick..." Ilove it when Lily calls for me from her bed (not really at 2am, but in the morning). I love it when Dave says "Go show Mommy!"
I am humbled to have such a wonderful name!

2007-12-10T22:36:00.000-08:00

Come on Lexi

Since my last post, this pooping thing has not stopped. Each morning the routine consists of getting lily up, fighting her squirm away as I TRY to keep poop off the floor, then she gets the bathtub as I rinse out her pants and onsies.
To top it off my Zech, who is potty trained, has it too. he just can't help it. He comes to me as if he's utterly disgusted with himself for pooping his pants,something he has been VERY good in not doing, but he can't remedy the situation. I think I like it better on the babies. The house wreaks! Butts are diaper rashed, and my hands are peeling from washing so often...
Seriously, Lexi, I do not mind losing this competition... I could use a break. Could you take over for a bit? Let your mommy clean it up! he he... just kidding, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy... maybe tomorrow is the day for normal poopies. And NO MORE POOPY POSTS!

2007-12-07T06:18:00.000-08:00

To Beckie

A few days ago while at my MIL's house Beckie calls her mom (my MIL) to tell her this horrendous story about how Lexi had a bit of gas, but went to sleep so she "let sleeping babies lie" (Good girl, Beckie) but by the time she got her up she had pooped up her back under her arms and up her chest. I can hear MIL laughing in a sympathetic laugh. When she got off the phone we were talking about how horrible that is. I had mentioned how it never really happened to us. That Zech never did it, and Lily did a little once when Dave fed her an entire jar of prunes that morning.
WELL, BECKIE... IT HAPPENED!
Lily is a whinner. I've learned to drown it out and get her when its convienent to me. So she gets up super early this morning and is whinning. I let her whine and cry for about half an hour. I finally go in to get her. When I open the door the blast of foul odor reprimanded me for waiting so long. She was covered in poo! I carried her away from my body into the Living room where the diaper wipes were. HA! Diaper Wipes! This was a washcloth/bath job. So I carry her like she's toxic to the bathroom. Lay her down and begin... it was like one of those huge j0bs where you have to decide "WHERE DO I START?" I decided to get the chunks just so I could get her in the sink for her prewash for her bath. Its 6:30 AM! and she is fighting me tooth and nail. Does she really want to sit in this stuff forever? She should be thanking me! She is a year old, although very tiny, she is fiesty, and wiry and strong! I am exhausted! Finally its cleaned up, clothes and diaper bagged up, sheets changed. Dave walks in and is hit in the face as well with this gag reflexing odor. It was REALLY BAD! It was so bad she had a bit of diaper rash on her knees and thighs.
And, Beckie, if you haven't already learned as a mother, Moms are very competetive... SO
I WIN!!!! he he! I hope your beautiful baby girl isn't ever so foul!
Sorry no pictures, I didn't want poop on the camera! he he

2007-11-20T21:01:00.000-08:00

One Year

My Lily baby is one year old today. It was a great day. She had her cake and ate some, too! I look at her and can't believe its really been a year. She has changed my life completely!

I remember when I got married thinking I never wanted girls. Then when I found out I was pregnant with her I was pretty much convinced she was a girl. I was fine with that. When I had my ultrasound and saw that she was my Lily, it was like instantly I had this special bond with her.

One year ago today (let me tell the story so I never forget) I went in the hospital for our planned C-Section at 12:30. We were prepped, asked a gazillion questions, and finally wheeled back to the OR about 2:45. The tech had some trouble getting my spinal in. I remember how badly it hurt and how it completely scared me to death (Was I supposed to feel every move they made?). I said to myself "if this pain only lasts 10 minutes, it will be so much less than most women go through to get their babies." Finally Dave came in the room which means everything was going smoothly. I felt them tugging, I heard their words (they had a discussion about Tubal Ligation, I interrupted them making sure they weren't planning on doing that!) Then she was born.3:22pm Oh, my! I was breathless! She was so tiny! I expected this big girl... she was tiny and SO beautiful! I couldn't believe how much love I had for her. That thought has never gone away. Her personality is so sweet. She loves to hug and cuddle and snuggle up close. She loves to listen to me wisper in her ear. She loves one on one time. She loves to play, to eat, to follow her brother. And it seems that she will always be a love-er. She seems to love life, even at 1 year old.

She's walking, talking, and is still so tiny! I can't believe how she's made me into such a girly girl! I am SO glad I have a daughter!

Lily 11/20/06

Lily 11/20/07

2007-11-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

Wait a minute God!

Every night Dave and I pray over the kids. We've tried to make it a habit to pray over them as they are awake and let them pray as well (well, Zech, at least) So many times Zech repeats what we say with his little eyes tightly closed . So tonight I knelt by his bed and prayed. In my prayer I had asked for God's peace and involvement in our upcoming "Removal-of-all-pacifiers" event. I said with Zech repeating most of the prayer aloud, "Lord, please be with us as we get rid of all the pacifiers next week--" Zech shouts "Oh! Wait! No no no God! Wait" not wanting to repeat that prayer. I couldn't help but laugh at his candidness. "Oh, no, God don't listen to this madwoman! She doesn't know what she's talking about! No pacifiers! Wait wait wait! That is NOT praying your will-- I'm sure of it!" hehe

Totally priceless!

2007-11-16T12:48:00.000-08:00

How many times should I forgive?

Luke 17:4 "And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him."

Today we went to Chuck E. Cheese. It is one of Zech's favorite activities. He looks forward to seeing his best friend. (for respect, I won't mention his name). He recognizes his mom's truck, and shouts with glee "A--- is here!"

Today was a rough day! The two of them played racing games, went down the slide together, attempted to go up in the "maze" together. Then as many 2 year olds do, A-- started having a hard time. First he pulled on Zech out of small frustration. Unfortunately Zech has "nurses elbow" and at any time that elbow can pop out of place (even without frustrated 2 year olds). It causes a lot of pain until we can figure out how to pop it back into place. Even if it wasn't A---s fault , Zech associated the pain with the pull. Then they had a minor pushing match, something we with 2 year olds understand to come and go. However this time, we tried to teach Zech how to use his words. So as he got pushed, he'd say "Stop, I don't like it... don't do it again." Then when it happened again, Zech was at a loss, not knowing what to do.
As the time went on, the two boys got into another tiff. This time Zech was scratched and hit in the hand with an air hockey paddle. Zech was pretty upset. I talked to him and and asked him "Do you think your okay? Can you forgive A---? Zech says Yes, and goes to his friend and says with sad tears "I forgive you!" It was so cute. Unfortunately it made A--- a bit uncomfortable and as many 2 year olds do, kicked Zech is response. Zech was VERY upset and ready to leave.
It was sad. Sad because Zech wanted to play nicely (I think) with his best friend, and sad because A--- is a great and wonderful boy who was having a bad moment or two. His mother was frustrated and blustered (which she doesn't need to be). We get in the car and Zech is reliving the events in his head. Telling me how his hand hurt and how A--- kicked him... then the sweetest thing...
He says "A--- is still my friend." I said that I was glad and reminded Zech that A--- was just having a bad day. Zech says "I fogive him, Mommy. I love A---, he's my friend."
Why can't adults see how one can be having a bad day and dismiss it so easily saying "I love you anyway, I forgive you!" And Zech has the capability to do it 70x7 times! What a great boy!

Just as a note... A--- and his mom are one our greatest friends and I am NOT trying to make them look bad by pointing out the bad day. I have a great and forgiving 2 year old as well and probably next time it will be him that needs the forgiveness. A--- we love you!

2007-10-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

Crazier than a Pet Coon

Vera Carmichael. Although there was no mention of her on Google, she is forever in my mind leaving wonderful memories. Vera AKA Grandma Carmichael passed away this morning at 3am. She outlived her beloved by 12 years. I have so many wonderful memories of her. We used to go to her house for a surprise visit. And even though we'd call just moments before showing up, somehow she would have a feast ready for us for dinner. She'd make sure there were enough chairs for everyone, and if there weren't we, kids were delighted to dine on the kitchen floor. Then Grandma would move from her ordinary post at the head of the table and she'd fix herself upon a barstool as she watched and I am sure enjoyed everyone eating. I always wondered if she ate. But one night (it was one of those special occasions when we stayed the night) I got out of her bed to find her sitting yet again at her ordinary post at the head of the table watching her little black and white tv with rabbit ears, eating her PB&J.
It was a very fun time when we stayed the night there. I don't know why I got to sleep in her room, but I always enjoyed her silly stories and the first time I heard a Whippoorwill. At least that's how I remember. She'd mimic the birds call almost identical to the bird. I'd giggle and she'd tell me to stay quiet as she quietly giggled, also.
I've been sharing stories all day with my friends, family, and husband. Stories of our Christmas Eves when she'd put up her ever so shiny Christmas tree and crouch at the base handing out at least 50 or so gifts. All by name, all personally picked out by her specifically for that one child. Even if we all got dolls, she would make sure they were different colors. She'd hand them out to the youngest first, then delight in watching us open them. It was always the most precious doll, not because it was any different than any other doll we had back home, but because she convinced us that she had put careful thought into those gifts... those many many gifts!
I shared the story of the day we visited shortly after my mother's birthday. Grandma looked over at the calendar then surprisingly declared that my mom had just had her birthday. She probably didn't know that without looking at the calendar, but my goodness, she had so many to remember. However, it did not stop her from jumping up (from her ordinary post at the head of the table ) and running into her always stocked "Walmart" room. She returned with a gift just for mom. A toenail polish dryer. It was hilariously great!
I told about her large stash of National Enquirer. Did she really believe that woman claiming to have birthed 12 alien babies at once?
I laughed at the memory of our family trick or treating at her house one Halloween. Mom tried to trick her, trying to see if she could recognize her in spite of her Elvira costume. It didn't take long before Grandma yells out RONDA ELAINE!!!
There are so many stories I could share about this woman, but my favorite that I will never allow myself to forget was when Grandpa was dieing in the hospital. He turned to her and asked "Vera, I was a good husband, wasn't I?" Grandma didn't need to answer, she leaned over him and laid a wonderfully romantic LONG kiss on him. It was quite a long kiss... one that answered the question precisely. Although I was saddened by the news of her passing, I couldn't help but close my eyes and picture her meeting Jesus, and reuniting with Grandpa, where in my romantic imagination, she grabbed him kissed with longing passionate kiss of all kisses!
Jesus, welcome her, dance with her, enjoy her!

2007-10-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

My Rapper and Rock Star

Very easy but Very cute!

2007-10-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

You Betcha!

I'm not sure where I've heard that phrase (You Betcha) recently. I know my NaNa says it sometimes, but its been awhile since we've heard her say that. But then I remembered that there is a Veggie Tales song that says "Ya Sure, Ya Betcha" (Funky Polka). And so that must be where he got it.
Today Zech woke up from his nap screaming and crying complaining of an itch he had. As Dave investigated, he noticed he was covered in hives. We took all his clothes off to find it was covering over 90% of his body. As Dave looked for Calimine Lotion, I called his doctor. Of course, the doctors had left and I was instructed to take him directly to the Walk In clinic that was attached to the ER just in case the Emergency care was needed. So we dressed him again, and packed the bag and left. He was occupied with the Veggie Tales on the way there so there was a bit less scratching and a lot less screaming.
I prayed that it wasn't worse than I thought, that God would continue to help him not to scratch and that there would be no wait. We got there, there was NO one in the waiting room. We checked in, walked back to triage and checked in. He got a "flashlight" on his finger to take his pulse. The nurse tried to get his temperature by putting the theremometer under his TONGUE (Hello! He's two) But he was a trooper, and she finally took it under his arm. She asked him can you keep your arm down? He says "You betcha!" Then we get to the exam room, the nurse comes in and asks the same questions. His response "You betcha". The Doctor comes in says "Can I listen to your heart?" "You betcha", he states! "can I look in your ears?" He proudly turns his head and says "You betcha!" Zech asks the doctor if he wanted any Teddy Grahams. The doctor declines. At every word Zech speaks, the doctor laughs. He explains that there could be a food allergy, or topical allergy, or it could be a result of the Upper Respritory Infection (which he refered to as URI for about 10 min until I stopped him and asked what the heck the University of Rhode Island had to do with his hives!--URI). So he gave us a prescription for Prednizone to use just in case the benedryl didn't work. So far the benedryl is working. The doctor had to ask Zech just one more question before he left. He asked "Will you take some medicine for Mommy?" Guess what Zech's response was? You betcha, it was YOU BETCHA. the doc leaves laughing. Then about 5 minutes later another nurse comes in saying that Zech is the talk of the floor, and that she had to meet him. She asks him some silly questions to hear his silly response "You betcha!"
He got to go to the store and get some cookies for being such a wonderful young man in the ER. The staff says he behaved better than most adults behave.
The hives seem to be gone, and he's been in a great mood all night. Strong Willed kids can be a wonderful delight as well... (that blog later!)

2007-10-02T22:59:00.000-07:00

Our Pumpkin Day

Last Saturday, we went to a local pumpkin patch (well, picked pumpkins) and spent an hour or so just being a family. I figured it wasn't even October yet, so I didn't stress over the perfect pictures... to best tell of our trip here is a slideshow... read the captions for the story...

Our Pumpkin Adventure

AND WE CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN!

2007-10-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

I am stewing...

Sometimes I let my heart get away from me. I am great at remembering in my mind all that I've learned (well, most of it) And I can rationalize many things, and remind myself of the TRUTH, but today, I think my heart has some catching up to do.

I have never regretted moving here, and will never. I am so very thankful to be around family and to have met such wonderful friends, and have a town that is so kid friendly to raise my family in. I am so blessed. However, we are a ministry family. And ministry is hard. With Children's Ministry I can blame their parents. I can be frustrated that the parents are not looking at what is best for their children and they are keeping them from coming to any and all events I plan even if its against the best wishes of the child. I can understand the child's unbelief, their constant questions, and their inability to listen to long passages of scripture. However, tonight I found myself convincing my heart what my mind knows and has encouraged Dave with. My heart is tired. I am tired of listening to the sinful escapades these teens brag about. I am tired of hearing "Well, I am not going to believe in that, I don't like what the Word says about that" Do they really think that by not believing, or not liking it that it just doesn't apply to them? And the answer is YES! They actually do. They believe that they get to make up their beliefs, that if you can't see demons, they must not exist. They believe they can take what they want from the Bible and spit the rest in Jesus' face.
I remember once in our ministry grieving over their sin, and their disbelief. I remember pouring my heart out to God begging that they grasp the life He had for them so they could partake in His glorious blessings. Tonight, I was mad. I was so frustrated. I yelled at (well, in a very professional, nicer tone than it sounds) one of the girls. She states how she hates everyone at her school because they are all haters (sounds pretty thought out huh?) And that she was going to start a White Supremacy group (she didn't say supremacy, but that's what she meant... again, not well thought out). I stopped her and asked, "Are you a Christain?" (this girl claims that she grew up in church her entire life, complains about it being pushed down her throat, not realizing she's in our family and that Dave knows how she grew up... again, not thinking!) I reminded her that you can't serve hatred and love. Either you Love God and all the things that come with it (righteousness) or you decide that you are not a christian and stop claiming to be one.
So, instead of joining the bogus discussions (that go on in between the godly points Dave tries to make) I sat on the couch and tried not to chime in (they were in the kitchen).
I hear statement/questions like
"If I date a non-Christian isn't it his sin, not mine?"
"God can't expect (get this... she's telling God what he CAN and CAN'T DO!!!)... God can't expect us to be able to control our thoughts"
"I won't believe in demons unless one stands in front of me" (OH, Be careful!)
"I can't tell someone that they should believe in Jesus, its their choice"
And here's my favorite (NOT REALLY)...
"Since you can't be a Christian and be racist, I guess I am just prejudice"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Like I said, as I rant and rave here... I will get to better things, just bear with me... I was tired.
none of these things were ever remotely related to the actual planned topic of discussion for the night, and nothing really was able to be answered since as soon as Dave would begin to speak, they would interrupt with yet another idiotic question.
So, I revealed to Dave what God already knows. My heart needs passion for them again. I need to grieve their sin again. I need to realize we made a commitment not just to the pastor and board of this church, we committed to wherever God would send us, we'd do HIS work. We are called to "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction." (2 Timothy 4:2). That is where my responsibility starts and stops. We preach the Word, the truth of God (whether they like it, or believe it or not). We prepare at all times reading God's word, praying God's will, then we correct (whether they take it or not), rebuke (even if it ticks em off), and encourage, with great patience and careful instruction. Which is where my heart needs to come back. The rest is up to them.
I need to see their situation and turn my frustration into urgent pray. Praying that they can find true love in Jesus Christ. Focusing on Him first and foremost, allowing all other things to fall into place (including that CHRISTIAN guy to date.) Praying that they will control their thoughts in righteous obedience resulting in a habit of taking every thought captive. Praying that regardless if they believe in demons or are wondering, that they be prepared with the knowledge of their word to combat any attack that comes their way. Praying that they will speak boldly the Word of God bring others to a place where they can hear God's voice and prompting to join in His family. And praying that with their genuine love for Christ, they will in turn love those around them regardless of color, sex, or age.
I tucked my babies in bed tonight with an urgent prayer that they realize God's mighty plan for their lives (Mighty as in that perfect will God has for each of us). And that they run towards righteousness. Hating what is evil, clinging to what is good. God is Good!!!

2007-09-15T20:33:00.001-07:00

So, I cheated!

Every year I like to take the kids (well, before this year, it was KID) to an apple orchard and take some natural pictures of him picking and eating apples. I love the look of apple trees, I love how Zech eats them, I love the coloring... BUT NO! this year I can't find an orchard close that won't charge $25 to pick, or that even lets you pick your own. So, we went to walmart, bought a basket (which we will take back since we hardly used it!) and some mongo apples. I took the kids to a park and sat them in the yard with 4 apples. Zech began to eat two. One in each hand, alternating apples to bite. Lily tried, but has no teeth, so she just pretended. The lighting was great, the behaviors were compliant, and I think I got pretty good staged pictures.

Here's the Zech story of the week.
He's trucking around walmart carrying this basket. He's about 2 steps behind me reminding me "I'm coming, Mommy!" He walks past a woman in a wheel chair. I stop to see his reaction, hoping its a great one. He passes her and immediately says "Oh, Sorry!" He does it on occasion. Not really touching or bumping into anyone, but apologizes for just passing them (something he gets from his OMA!). He continues to apologize over and over again. They keep telling him that they are okay. Then he proceeds to ask the lady in the wheelchair, very sweetly with his head cocked to the side, "Are you Okay?". They reassured him they were and I hurried him along.
We make it to the apples and the previous couple follows me to compliment me on my VERY polite little boy. She says "I didn't even feel him bump into my chair." (Which he didn't. he's just odd that way! Apologizes for everything) But she continued to tell me how wonderfully polite my baby boy was... made me proud all the same... bump or not!
Then to top off my cute Zech... when we get to the check out, Zech has a nectarine, 3 greenbeans from the produce isle, 2 candybars and some batteries in his little basket. He'd gone shopping! I put everything to the side as he scanned all my items at the self check out. he is very good at it. Scans it, puts it in the basket and when he's all done, checks the bottom of the cart as it tells you to, and then presses the paynow button. Then he's gone! he he!
He's just priceless!

2007-08-28T19:07:00.000-07:00

Leaving a Legacy

After leaving my previous blog this morning, Dave shares this story in youth group tonight (for some reason, he does not read my blog... God is just speaking!!!)

Jonathan Edward's Legacy

By Mark Merrill

Have you thought about your legacy lately, in case you haven't, lets start with the basics: Webster's Dictionary says a legacy is something handed down from one who has gone before.

Jonathan Edwards was born in 1703 in East Windsor, Connecticut. He attended Yale University at age 13 and later went on to serve as president of the College of New Jersey (now Princeton).

Edwards and his wife Sarah had 11 children. Despite a rigorous work schedule that included rising as early as 4:30 a.m. to read and write in his library, extensive travels, and endless administrative meetings, he always made time for his children. Indeed he committed to spending at least one hour a day with them. And what if he missed had a day because he was traveling? He diligently made up the hour when he returned.

Numerous books have been written about Edwards' life, his work, his influence on American history and his powerful professional legacy. But the legacy that Edwards would probably be most proud of is his legacy as a father.

The scholar Benjamin B. Warfield of Princeton has charted the 1,394 known descendants of Edwards. What he found was an incredible testament to Jonathan Edwards. Of his known descendants there were 13 college presidents, 65 college professors, 30 judges, 100 lawyers, 60 physicians, 75 army and navy officers, 100 pastors, 60 authors of prominence, 3 United States senators, 80 public servants in other capacities, including governors and ministers to foreign countries, and one vice president of the United States.

The story of Jonathan Edwards is an example of what some sociologists call the five-generation rule. How a parent raises their child-- the love they give, the values they teach, the emotional environment they offer, the education they provide-- influences not only their child, but also the four generations to follow. The example of Jonathan Edwards Shows just how rich that legacy can be.

I had to google this man (I wanted to know who the Vice President was)... I didn't find out who, but I did find this... http://www.ravenhill.org/edwards.htm

An article more about his spiritual legacy than anything else. He was a true man of God, and I believe wholeheartedly that the success of his descendants came from the Father that this father served!

WOW! I have a lot to look forward to!

2007-08-28T06:46:00.000-07:00

I remember

I remember when my mom used to act like she couldn't remember where our house was. She'd pretend to turn into every driveway until we'd yell, NOT THIS ONE! then we'd have to tell her which way to turn. I don't know if she was just being silly, or trying to teach us something.
I remember my dad giving us all hangers to use as guns and we'd disperse through out the house hiding and sneaking around trying to shoot each other (I am positive he wasn't trying to teach us anything!). I remember planning surprise birthday parties EVERY year for my dad. He worked 2nd shift. So Mom would bake him a cake and we'd get to stay up until he got home (11:45) and we'd decorate and yell surprise when he'd walk in the door.

I know that the amount of good memories far out way the bad ones, even if the bad ones tend to linger a bit longer sometimes. So it makes me think of what we are doing to make memories in our kids' lives. I know that they are so young that they won't remember much. But I do have some vague memories of when I was 2, so its getting more and more important for me to make memories that they will have forever.
Yesterday, Zech had a pretty hard time in the grocery store. Screaming and crying the entire time. I am not sure exactly what triggered it, or what sustained it. But I had prayed that very morning that God would help me to glorify Him in all I do. So I guess maybe God was testing my prayer. Was I truly willing to bite my tongue from yelling, and CHOOSE to glorify Him, or would I fly off the handle and yell at my yelling son? I think I stayed pretty calm. I kept reminding him that he needed to behave to get treats. He would calm down and I would praise him for being such a quiet good little boy. Then the next grocery store we only needed 3 things, so I let him walk around (hoping to give him good memories) He was not the best behaved child! So when we got back in the car, I took the DVD player away. I told him that his behavior wasn't good enough to get good treats. He was furious. And without really thinking about it, I said
"I know you want the DVD player, and Mommy would love to give you good things that make you happy. But sometimes when you choose not to listen, the blessings are not there when you want them." Not the words I usually use for a 2 year old. But it spoke volumes to me.
I want to bless my kids, I want to give them all their desires. But that isn't' always best. Same for us. God would love to give us good things that make us happy, it is his ultimate plan. But sometimes when we don't listen to His words, His promptings, His reprimands, blessings are not there when we want them.
I want to give my children memories, memories of their parents choosing to listen to the words of God and following them. I hope someday they will look back and remember all the great and God glorifying times they've had with us... as they make some for themselves!

2007-08-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

My Element

I've been wanting to write this blog since Saturday night. So, its a bit late... I just don't always get the time to get on here! Someday, I will get a desk and get the computer upstairs!

Anyway, Dave's boss had a BBQ at her house Saturday night. I was really nervous. I wanted to look nice for the party, and make a good impression on the boss, and make Dave feel proud. Its been a long time since I've met new people and felt so nervous. We talked about how no one would be real Christians (by real, I mean practicing-church-going- daily-devotion-christians). We discussed that there would be alcohol and I warned Dave about my fear of drunk people. He assured me that his boss would most likely not have drunken parties and I was fine.
We get there, and she shows us to the kitchen so we can get some food and drink. The cooler, she says, has beer and wine coolers "and maybe some soda". The BIG gaterade container had blah blah (I can't remember) "Rum and some other alcohol" in it and the pitcher had Sangria ( don't know how to spell it, but I knew it was alcoholic). So I open the cooler and find a Diet Caffine Free Mountain Dew (seriously, whats the point?) and an Orange Shasta, the only two sodas... So thats what we drank.
We then sat and listened and had conversations with the higher-ups in Dave's company... Hearing the F word more times than my fingers can count, along with every other cuss word I can think of.
It was so odd for me. My ears cringe each time I hear it. I am not used to that kind of language in my world where "suck" and "crap" are majorly BAD 4 letter words! I was just so out of my element. That made me so terribly uncomfortable. I later told Dave how it made me feel. Not that I don't think his co-workers (bosses) are halairious... they would have been just as funny minus the nasty words. I'm just not used to it. If I am not surrounded by Christains in a church setting, or in friends' homes, I am surrounded with Mommies. Mommies who make a conscious effort to curb their language. I mean, really, I don't even hear the bad 4 letter words (Crap and Suck!)
Not that I don't want to EVER be around those not like me. I see the need for that kind of fellowship. I just don't like the language. Funny thing, I could handle the amount of alcohol more than I could handle the amount of the F-bomb!
I guess I just like my little element. I will step out only for a bit.

2007-08-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

My 51st Post!!!

That is not my topic, but I just realized it said that I had 50 posts... is that possible?
Well, I was sent this really cool and amazingly cute UTube video and I wanted to share...

I don't know if it will work... here is the link just in case...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uISuvTiTYJA

Although I do not have ANY problems with my children and bedtime, This song was just so great to all Mothers and Fathers that are tired of all the whining and crying.
What got me the most was that it was a daddy. And how he talked about going to work with Shrek in his head. I know my husband goes to work with "I don't have a Belly Button" by Boyz inthe Sink in his head. And lately with such a crazy work situation, I'd imagine he wouldn't mind coming home and hearing a bit from his babies.
I appriciate the Daddies who work for us and who help with the bedtime routine, and the dinner routine, and the potty routine, and the "where-the-heck-is-lily-&- what-is-she-eating" routine!
He is the reason I love my job! The reason I adore my children and value a buck and get to lay in my pjs all day (if I want... which I never do... he he!)
My Man... This video is a tribute to Daddies everywhere who love their families even when the whining crying fit throwing never ceases!
Thanks!